Clarity – Over the clouds

In the last post I had posed a question, one that had many answers. Some said a hard yes, others a feeble no, and a meek maybe.
Well last week, I had gone for a training to another city and what did happen there gave me the time to think, actually take a walk, feel the wind caress my skin and let all the thoughts settle into an organised chaos.
For all 3 days I woke up with a pit in my stomach, half nauseous of the incredibly long day that lay ahead. And I did cry too, wailed like a two year old just cause I wanted to cry amidst all that confusion.
But one thing that did turn around was the clarity of my thoughts, realizing that most things in life boil down to a single choice, yes or no, and its consequences whatever that they may be. I met people whom I last spoke to donkey years ago, had a merry time with the food, rains and music. Also managed to catch a stand-up comedy show last sunday, something that I wanted to do for long.
So this is it maybe, my decision that hit me when I was in tears during a telephone call, just over whelmed with all had happened and was happening, I decided to stay. Till the time I no longer can fight.
So let this be a challenge, let it push me to the extent that it can, let me make more opportunities to learn and grow and trip and fall. Cause sometimes you need a push and learn from experiences.

As much as I would want comfort and long nights with nothing to do, sheepishly I admit that I like the rush of finding something new, the uncomfortable itch of not knowing.
I had a long talk with someone wiser beyond years who made me realise that its okay to feel that you aren’t good at something, no one automatically is good at things, skill sets get built, but the moment you start feeling that your job is easy, easier to get through, and monotonous that is when you should listen to the sirens but not when you have to put a fight everyday.
And here I am, 6 months wiser maybe, stronger than what I was, I’m sure the ride isn’t going to be easy but all I can do is grind my teeth, clutch the handlebars, and not get off the roller-coaster.
I’m immensely grateful for the advice that I’ve received on this blog, of the support and the mails and texts. This couldn’t be done without all of you, my own set of guardian angels.
And the fact that I met an incredibly handsome man on a pool ride two days ago, with the perfect smile and the pause when he spoke, the depth in his voice, the calmness of his expressions, his mid conversation laugh, the checkered sweater he wore, all terribly heartbreaking. Helped me get perspective on the much needed important things in life 😉

2 thoughts on “Clarity – Over the clouds

  1. I’m glad that you have some clarity. Changes are not easy, and it’s difficult to establish yourself in any given field. But you live with the passion to be better and you will have much success.

  2. So often, just making that incredibly difficult decision brings relief in itself. It’s OK to make mistakes – we all do. It’s how we learn and grow. .
    Wishing you all the best.
    And here’s to meeting the next drop-dead-gorgeous guy! 🙂

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