Questions

Have you ever questioned everything that you do/ have done?

Off-late I’ve been having this sneaky feeling, I have this tiny voice inside of me that has been screaming at me that I’m probably not great at what I do. The thing being that being good enough has never just sufficed for me.

Since childhood I’ve learnt that practice makes one perfect, hence whenever and where ever I managed to get stuck, I’d put my heart in it and practice. And because I’ve had pretty less experience work wise and most of what I did till now is study, this system worked wonders.

Almost 6 months into this field of work and I can see my confidence wilt and wither away. Every assignment is different, and with each of them, I’m barely managing to keep my head above the water or whatever it is supposed to be.

I like the field, its interesting, challenging but maybe I’m not cut out for it. Like the time you know something is great but its maybe not just yet meant for you.

In the effort to keep trying, I’m getting burned out. From putting in long hours (really really long ones) to talking about different techniques with others, trying to learn the various aspects of things, I’m falling in this pit of unhappiness.

The point that eats me up from within is that I want to be good at what I do, no not just good, great. If I am putting in all this time and effort, then it should be for something worthy, right? Some universal input – output law.

Pushing myself this hard has left me with absolutely no time, and if that isn’t the case then the lack of energy/motivation to do something else. To try and have a life outside and beyond work, to not constantly be in my head.

I’ve spoken to people about this, of shifting lanes into pursuing something else in the creative field or really building my skills in terms of what comes easier to me and that I feel is my inherent quality (communication/writing?). On the other spectrum is the crowd that say that I should stay, for learning ropes of this business atleast a year would make it count. Six more months seem far too long, but I honestly don’t know what to do.

Slightly at my wits end, I haven’t really got any feedback as such on my work, so do I take that and then decide where it is that I’m headed or just make a mad run out of this for whatever it is that I supposedly maybe headed for?

With all the doubting and second guessing and multiple time checking of what it is that I do, I have managed to stress myself really badly. Have a swarm of negative thoughts on what if situations. And hence I’ve been listening to positive thinking videos on a loop.

Frankly speaking, I’m terrified deep within. The not knowing thing is scary. Will I be stuck doing something that I’m not good at? Am I running out of time to make that choice? Do I stay or go? and if I do run, run to what?

 

Advertisements

18 thoughts on “Questions

  1. Hi, I think that the decision to leave or stay with the job should be entirely yours. Normally I would have advised that you leave the job and do something that makes you happy, but from what I read “it’s not that you’re not happy with this job, you’re just not where you want to be just yet, and if you quit now you’ll never know if you’ll be great at it or not” so what if you quit this seemingly difficult job and try a seemingly simple job, what if the seemingly simple job turns out to be just as tasking and demanding? What then? Do you quit that too and look for another job? I can already hear you saying No! My question now is: if you won’t quit then why quit now?. You want to be great at your job, I say: give yourself a chance to be great at it, remember nothing good comes easy, how much more something great. After that has been said, I’ll like to remind you that you’re the only one who can decide what’s best for you, and what makes you happy. Hang in there dear, and oh prayer works wonders at times like these.
    Peace be with you…

  2. Have faith in yourself that you will climb over all obstacles, If you feel it’s becoming too much? then listen to the voice inside with the confidence that you’ve given your best and really tried πŸ™‚

  3. Been there! I actually quite agree with The Meek Chic here too. My advise would also be to hang in there a bit, because when you’re confused or stressed and worn out, it’s best to keep the decision-making aside for a while. Be patient but think about it just a tiny bit, like getting ready to answer a question in school. Deep down you will have the answer already within yourself. And yes it is absolutely and only your decision to do what to do. I know there will be friends and family who insist on being practical and not letting go of a good job, and if its really sucking you, to Hell with it! But, unless you stick around a bit on the job, how will you know if you could be better at it or not. To think of it, 6 months is really short to even draw a conclusion on what aspects of the job you are good at, and where you need to work on. Every experience in the end is valuable, but make it worthwhile. Just remember, stress and coping up is a way of work life. If you’re satisfied and happy with the job, it is no reason to run away. Coming from studies to a job can be a bit of shifting gears, and may be you should take it as a lesson on work-life balance instead. May be you need to change your strategy, not the job! But the bottom line is- do what you like, otherwise you might shift gears now, but you will find yourself at another bend again later with the same pit feeling and question. And if you’re not sure what to do next, that’s fine too. Don’t worry, try different things but give it time to see if it is your calling or not. Unless you try, you won’t know what works for you and what doesn’t. Also, what I have learnt so far from Life, is to never rush things or take impulsive decisions. Take a deep breath and take it slow. Your health is wealth, jobs, colleagues and work all come later. There will be different answers to your questions, but you need to pen down your thoughts to get it out of your head. Making notes always helps me, find your venting out medium and take it slow.
    Oh and in case you make a move after all and end up thinking it was a wrong one, please please do not blame yourself or regret about it. You will definitely have learnt something out of it too.
    Hugs to you.

  4. I completely get where you’re coming from. I’m in pretty much the same situation. Stuck in a house that we’ve been trying to sell for 3 years. Though I enjoy my work it’s not enough, but I’m resisting filling it out with wage slave work I wouldn’t like. To top it off, I have a wandering soul like yours. I have dreams of traveling the world. Life is limited, and I ask myself what it is I really want to do.

    So since I can’t really do anything substantial about things right now, my solution, at least until something resolves, is to make the best of it, to do my job while I’m here because I have to to survive, but also to explore the countryside as much as I can in my free time rather than just sitting and waiting at home. Thus, I do a lot of hiking where I can feel a sense of freedom. I satisfy my creativity by writing.

    Your a storyteller. Maybe you’ve got a book on you?

    • I’m going to get back to my creative side for a break, I have started getting back to music and art.. for a name that says storyteller, I’m gathering on all these experiences to finally get around to writing something… not a book but maybe a booklet πŸ™‚

  5. Oh, I’ve been there…actually, I’ve been there for a long time. Until eventually I took the risk to try something else and voila, it worked out. It is a very difficult decision to make; but then again, is there a point staying in something just to make ends meet if you’re really not happy and are not able to make time for things you love doing.
    Okay, I reckon I’ve confused you further. Sorry πŸ™‚

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s