Ever felt like your feet were chained to a boulder and you were flung, sent crashing into ice cold waters?
Exactly how I feel, every single day, at work during weekdays, post work timings on weekdays and weekends.
I try to make a checklist and get things off my to-do list, magically something gets skipped it and all comes tumbling down. The time that I spend staring at the laptop screen, I’m consumed by work. Off the laptop screen and I still can’t shut my brain.
I’m sinking, drowning, grappling for air.
Books that would be devoured within 2 days of arrival, have been collecting dust since three weeks. I’ve stopped replying to messages, taking calls in general. The intense urge to blow off steam by screaming and venting out is met by a competition. Of who has been working how hard, whose work is tougher, who is more pained.
Any and all conversations invariably go down the work route, at this point I’m tempted to run away to a forest, sit next to a brook, drown my phone and laptop in that very brook preferably and be able to read 10 pages of a book and savor a cup of coffee for half an hour.
Which is why when I’m not cooped up in a corner at office, I’m trying to catch up on sleep, watch phone calls go unanswered and put conversations on mute in whatsapp. Safe to say my social life is in the dumps, most recently last Saturday I went to a friend’s place for an apparent girl’s night out, spent the night eating and watching porn (cause the human body has needs and well this need not be justified). Which is how after a long time I felt ‘normal’, and could drag myself to face the Monday morning blues.
Monday should be declared a holiday, all Mondays irrespective of month/ profession/ country. If there aren’t any Mondays to get out of bed, there would be no Monday morning blues! And we could do this rotation every few years, taking it to Tuesday morning blues and back to when it rounds up to Monday, henceforth the cycle continues.
Honestly enough I’m tired. Sometimes I just fall into a day dream of rolling over and taking a nap for a few hours. Funny thing being that I almost have a love hate relationship with what I’m doing right now. I love that the work is interesting but hate that I’m tired and I positively have dark circles, I’m reminded on an almost weekly basis on the ‘oh relationships are great’ motto by everyone who’s either committed or getting married, really behind on my reading schedule, have my poster paints and brushes dry and wither and take up a teeny nook on my shelf.
At this point if I were given a million dollars, the only people I could call would probably be my parents and a heart to heart conversation with my dog on how many dentasticks and chews he’d be rewarded with, for just being there.
I have been showing terrible restraint to not walk over and buy a bottle of vodka and ice cream, slump into the sofa, tie my hair into a bun, wear loose pyjamas, prop my legs up and watch mindless television.
Well that pretty much looks like what I’m going to spend one entire day of my next weekend doing. Care to join?