For 5 days a month, I suffer from a rare (I hope not) syndrome called ‘Period Brain’. Common symptoms include –
- Inability to think, which is basically so bad that if someone were to ask me what 2 plus 2 is and then waved 4 fingers in front of my face, I’d answer seven.
- The super human power of being able to beat a sloth’s sleeping capacity and maintain a lead by atleast 4 hours.
- Hulk rage, putting things into perspective I just had a fight with my mother cause she kept talking and talking and all the mitochondria in my body just gave up, slumped, dug a burrow and disappeared underneath it.
- Teeth grinding irritation.
- Fatigue, all the damn time. Sleeping is also tiresome. So I go to sleep tired, feel tired while I’m sleeping and wake up tired too.
- Terrible decision making skills, given a choice between investing all of my life’s savings in either high return stocks or ice cream, I’d choose icecream. Also managed to have instant noodles and icecream for lunch and dinner yesterday.
- Mood swings that range from I’m going to kill him to I want to have sex with him, all under 2 minutes.
- Extreme emotions, I cry on reading, watching and sometimes even listening to things. Like if my friend’s distant cousin’s ex girlfriend’s uncle’s grandfather’s aunt was going through a tough time, you’d find me teary eyed.
- The ravenous – I’ve been starving for a decade kind. I recently polished 6 doughnuts, all chocolate center filled, in about 15 minutes and had been craving for cheese burst pizza since then, and Oh, I’ll then look at my tummy and lack of exercise and the amazing clarity with which my brain calculates how many calories I’ve put on and then send me packing back to sorry land only to use dark chocolate to get out of that dark street.
And to think of it, I’ve been fighting the age old ‘woman-act-like-straight-up-witches-on-a-broom-with-chocolate-as-their-kryptonite’ during their period opinion, but I can’t seem to tame myself when things get the proverbial down and dirty.
Henceforth, cutting my rant short here, I’d like to state that in 3 more days I’ll be back in the control of my body and mind and the reign of the Satan’s little devil aunt flow will end, finally.
PS – What is with these bloody period ads, why don’t ads makers have enough sense into making realistic ads that don’t require me to jump through barricades nor shove my butt into people’s faces or trek mountains and prance around in whites!?
Instead make a simple tampon ad that tells people that the dragons need their rest and shouldn’t be disturbed and along with every packet of pads come a coupon for ice cream/ dark chocolates/ the cheesiest pizzas/ dense chocolate brownies at a flat 50% off.
And that’s how you keep it simple.