Reasons

Of a thousand reasons that could exist to support a choice,

Always choose love.

Inside, outside and beyond.

Let every journey be one within.

Chase. Search. Crave. Break. Find.

For this life is a loan, repay the debt with love,

To both fire and water, alike.

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And a million thoughts

It’s past midnight, I’m under the siege of a thousand thoughts and here is where I pin it down.

You know that one kind of deep intense love that transcends boundaries, gracefully clearing and jumping through loops and hurdles like a gymnast?

Yeah, that does not exist.

No matter how many times you tell yourself, there are some things that just can’t be forgiven. You may love them more than words can even begin to describe some things pull you back. Words even if not intended to mean one episode, magically transforms into that one reminder of an ugly incident.

Which makes me wonder, are things better when left alone, maybe fixing or rather trying to get back to what you were just tampers the lovely memory of a time once gone by. What has sailed past is already a memory to cherish, protected and that isn’t going to rust. Maybe to be in love again, you need to be that very same person at that place, is it worth running back into the past?

Also it doesn’t take much to feel like you are half in love, 5 nice words, a few laughs, wit and charm and there you are floored, especially when there is no flirting! You go zoom from stranger to Wow! Why the hell did I not meet you earlier and I wish we were dating. The harder someone tries to flirt, the greater the put off is.

And as luck would have it, I had the most amazing conversation for over 3 hours with someone I had no clue existed 5 minutes before I spoke to him. Being the technology klutz that I am, I got stuck at a place and with no help around and on the recommendation of a friend, approached this stranger a few hundred kilometres away for help. And not only did he spend a good chunk of time despite being terribly busy, infact not just did he manage to help me out but also assigned another person to finish my work for me from his team.

These rib tickling, loud laughter conversations are what I long for.

Add to this that it really doesn’t take long for impressions to reduce to dust and bury itself in the ground. In retrospect, it really makes you evaluate as to what the hell was happening all this while, were you delusional or are people really crappy at times.

There are days that I sob and mock cry on not finding someone to date, but the truth being, I don’t just want to date someone and be in a typical relationship, more like close friendship, the kind who’ll tolerate a 3 hour movie for you, long lunches and longer conversations. Someone who isn’t in it for the typical romance part of it, friendships that run deeper maybe? Or love but not the clingy, compulsive, regular garden variety.

Also why would you talk to someone with the aim of just flirting or a quick fling somewhere? There are maybe two other paths to run down, what about the intense passion or the good friends one? Wouldn’t you want to know someone’s dreams, thoughts, take a peek into the workings of their mind? Is the body all you want?

Currently all I want to do is stuff my face in ice cream, any chocolate variety would do and just be done with men, love and promises. Oh and definitely get someone to mentally kick me when I start my funny flirt routine, great ice breaker but terrible in the long run.

In some weird sense the funny flirt comes easy to me, I’m one of those women who run away from the words hot/pretty/sexy and chase after smart, confident and witty and I never feel conscious while doing the crazy routine. The practice of being able to laugh at your flaws throws away the awkwardness, and that is where my strategy of ‘win-them-over-with-your-personality-and-then-make-them-find-you-hot, comes into play.

On second, third and probably the hundredth thought already thought this week, I should swear off romantic books and movies, sometimes that is just where they belong…

Us

We, those whom the world accuses of feeling the full brunt of emotions,

Sentimental fools, they mock and laugh.

We, who take the world to be our competition,

Fight. Gnarl. Fall. Break. Still stand and try to last, yet another day.

We, want to ace at what we do, nothing appeases us like work done well,

Take every rejection to heart, an extra hour’s effort for every stone hurled.

We, who as much fall, rise in love,

Our hearts are our impenetrable fortress, our bodies, we might give away easy.

We, don’t crave for easy, comfortable or simple,

To burn our fingers in the fire of passion, make you claim each part of our being.

We, stand by every word and every tear, no hurt, no smile goes unaccounted,

Once in love always in love, yet our faces mask what we feel.

We, hold not much for your riches, nor for the beauty of your skin,

Instead long for the sparks of brilliance in your eyes, words you speak, your thoughts.

We, for whom no wait is too long, no desire, too strong,

But sometimes we need just another wild one, to run with the wolves.

Cab rides

There are perks of landing a job, financial independence, the idea of working on a challenge, which can be frustrating as well as incredibly satisfying, prospects of meeting new people on the job and the tons of learning.

But now, I also look forward to my ride back home. Off late I’ve been commuting long distances and along with the terribly long time that it takes, safe to say it pulls all of my purse strings hence in order to be slightly economical, I’ve been taking the Ola share (This, I repeat isn’t a promotional post. Just my feelings out here and for those who don’t know what Ola is, think of it as India’s Uber that also gives you the facility of sharing your ride)

Over the course of a few weeks, I’ve met incredibly interesting people, some who light up your face like an Old man whom I shared my ride with. He’s 65, retired but still wants to work, and not out of necessity but because that is what he’s learnt all of his life, to be resourceful, use his time. So he works with a ton of NGOs, teaches his neighbourhood kids and blesses and wishes good morning in the most incredible manner.

Which got me thinking, why don’t we wish each other like we would when we were a couple of five year olds? Loud good mornings, bright smiles, hugs that envelops you. Why the sullen, back to work, waiting for a weekend ones?

And then there are others who’ll just break your heart. I spent an hour and a half with a woman who silently sobbed while talking to her better half/almost at that stage person. Wiping an endless stream of tears with the back of her hand, hiccups, stammering, red eyes and a runny nose. All I could offer her were water and tissues.

Then there are others who are part time poets/models stuck in a corporate job; ones who’ll talk about politics and the issue with Kashmiri pandits; Women who’ll giggle and share their love of your favourite actor; some who’ll brood and not talk to you but suddenly owe you two rupees of their cab fare and look guilty; who talk about their jobs; talk about their love, a royal enfield that crashed and is recovering at a garage and all that is left of it is its helmet that they carry as a remembrance; figure out the business strategy of companies; drivers who’ll complain of faulty GPS routes, traffic, the times they got conned, a bit of their life.

These conversations are strangely liberating, you have no expectations out of people, and no pre conceived notions. Every ride is like drawing a card from a pile, you don’t know who you’ll bump into today, what you’ll stumble upon.

All of us are maybe just a bunch of stories, some long gone and a lot others waiting to happen.