Point of no return

I have written a thousand words for you, stringing memories.

Of how the sun streamed in through the blue curtains, bright smiles, sipping chai in red cups, listening to the rain patter in the balcony, letting our feet dangle from the grills and arms stretched out wide.

I have waited, endlessly.

For your calls, to listen to your voice, to look at you, just once. The chance to make one last memory, a less painful one. To go back in time, apologize another time, weld, mend, and correct all those mistakes.

I have been strong, or so I hope.

For the pain to fade, tears to stop. To resist the urge to scream and shout, beg and fall, holding you responsible for all the broken pieces of my heart, crumbling into a heap. Trying to stop myself from going back to you, wandering in familiar lanes, tracing your fingertips on all that you touched.

I have left counting time, fervidly.

Days, months, years, since clocks haven’t ticked, the slow whirring of time disappearing. I hoped everything would stop, pause for a moment, acknowledge the death of my love. But neither have the hours halted, nor has the heart stopped beating.

I have learnt, agonizingly.

No two hearts beat to the same rhythm, no two kinds of love are the same. That I’ll still love you, eternally, some days fierce, and on others, you’ll make your presence felt.

You were gone, but you were always there.


36 thoughts on “Point of no return

  1. The end of a relationship never comes quickly. It lingers, like a stale reminder of what once was sweet. I hope that you’re ok. I don’t like to see you so sad.

  2. I have waited endlessly….
    For ur return ,anchored at the same spot in time
    Night and day, unflinching resolute
    For it is strange to accept now
    That time flows like a river ……
    this river will turn ,twist into a new light, new beginnings

    • This is me post talking to at least a dozen people, half of whom just got married and the other half in committed relationships..

      I just miss the idea of being in love, I like being in love. If that makes any sense at all. Just the feeling is a wonderful thing though the person does matter but that feeling turns you into a poetess by day, insomniac writer of letters by night!

      • I can understand, I hope πŸ™‚ A better view can be that while you change roles between a writer and a poetess, others are cribbing about their loss of freedom to themselves

      • Iss pyaar ka dard tum kya jaano kohli Babu?! πŸ˜›

        I know it seems silly to mope about something like an unrequited love but the fact is that he’s going to drop by my city in about 5 days and has asked/requested that we meet. Now I know the sensible thing would be to tell him tata bye bye and walk away but I just can’t. I can’t walk away. And I have no other explanation for it.

        And I now realise how stupid I sound but that’s the thing!

      • Haha han apun jaisa tapori, kya malum pyar kis chidia ka naam hai πŸ˜€
        And you can agree to meet but the pleasure can be derived by not going and telling him that you too are finding him at the decided spot. Then after an hour you say that you are fed up and leaving.😁

      • Haha munna bhai is classic :’D

        I’ll need big time support to pull off that stunt πŸ˜›
        Though about 5 people have offered to smash my phone and brainwash me at that too πŸ˜›

        Tell me how come you aren’t dating!?
        Aap purush hi nahi, mahapurush hai (andaz apna apna πŸ˜€ :P)

      • Haha πŸ˜€
        What existential questions do you think about?

        And what do you do when stuck in traffic? I resort to singing loudly and bobbing my head for the entertainment of the onlookers πŸ˜€

      • Haha my favorite question is how do you decide if it is reality or a dream. What if you are in coma and seeing this very long dream which you call life ?
        And in traffic, I think how the fuck a poor country affords so many Audis and BMWs ! :/

      • Okay, this is what I’m going to tell you. I had a pretty nerve wracking repeated dream for about a year, on and off and I’d wake up with a pounding heartbeat and couldn’t digest the fact that it was a dream so I read about these things and the apparent distinction between dream and reality is time!
        If you can see the time and sense time, make an idea of how much has passed then you are blissfully in reality.

        Yes, I’m bekar gyaan ka bhandaar.

        Oh I keep looking out for the uncles in the BMWs and go yaar isse toh mai bhi shaadi karlun! You have to drop in at Hyderabad for the Aston martins and Porsche and the God knows what convertibles.

        Like why why why would someone spend such disgustingly huge sums of money on a car!?

      • Haha πŸ˜€ okay, I usually spend my time thinking about this. If you could create a business venture that would not only generate self sustaining revenue but also provide benefit to the poor (actual visible aid like be it education, employment) what would your business model be. How would you plan on bringing revenues without massive aid of VCs?

        Nah πŸ˜› owners are cause I get bored of looking at cars! Just bored. It’s a vehicle designed to bring you from point A to B, in a more convenient manner in terms of time and safety, comfort though can be compromised. So I actually don’t see the point in wasting money on these.

        Though what I do do is sing, add up digits of the number plate to the last single digit, and try and guess the background stories of people stuck in traffic…

      • Oh actually I do have a side business, lots of people line maaro on me only cause till date 3 of the guys I told no to after a ton of coaxing made it to the iims. Safe to say come June/July and my phone keeps buzzing like crazy, 6 months to the exam and this prep starts! πŸ˜€

        Ah, I’m more in the need to find capital and make contacts phase!

      • Oh if you find someone sing and hum loud, loud enough to reach till about three vehicles in front, just turn around and you’ll find me πŸ˜€

        I don’t like using my phone much and I had cold the other day yet continued singing much to the utter disappointment of the auto wallah. Half annoyed totally pissed off, he turns around and tells me, ‘Madam ya toh aap kaan mai earphone lagakar gaana sunlo ya salman ke gaane gao’.

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