Point of no return

I have written a thousand words for you, stringing memories.

Of how the sun streamed in through the blue curtains, bright smiles, sipping chai in red cups, listening to the rain patter in the balcony, letting our feet dangle from the grills and arms stretched out wide.

I have waited, endlessly.

For your calls, to listen to your voice, to look at you, just once. The chance to make one last memory, a less painful one. To go back in time, apologize another time, weld, mend, and correct all those mistakes.

I have been strong, or so I hope.

For the pain to fade, tears to stop. To resist the urge to scream and shout, beg and fall, holding you responsible for all the broken pieces of my heart, crumbling into a heap. Trying to stop myself from going back to you, wandering in familiar lanes, tracing your fingertips on all that you touched.

I have left counting time, fervidly.

Days, months, years, since clocks haven’t ticked, the slow whirring of time disappearing. I hoped everything would stop, pause for a moment, acknowledge the death of my love. But neither have the hours halted, nor has the heart stopped beating.

I have learnt, agonizingly.

No two hearts beat to the same rhythm, no two kinds of love are the same. That I’ll still love you, eternally, some days fierce, and on others, you’ll make your presence felt.

You were gone, but you were always there.

Advertisements

Of sufi, success, fear and vodka

Its 2 in the night (IST) and I’m 6 shots down, rather 7, actually lost count after the 5th. Its been 5 days since I got the result of my exams, surprisingly I cleared and am now a chartered accountant.

And today it has finally sunk in, and it scared me bad cause all this while I knew where I was headed, not in entirety but atleast had an idea of what I would be doing in the next few months but now I’m completely clueless as to where life is going to plunge in the next few days.

Somehow unsettling, I feel like fear has crept into my heart and has sunk its fangs into my veins. My hands go cold and I have really not able to wrap my head around it, today after days I feel calm and slightly in control. With the hope that even if things take a toss, I’ll have the strength to get around them.

On a completely different note, I read this book long back but this particular word stayed with me for long… Languages are indeed beautiful, the more unknown, the more artistic they seem..