Its 2 in the night, or the morning, somedays time seems to lose all of its vague significance. People say don’t waste time, that time flies, yet there are days that pass like years and others when you fall into such a grind that all days seem the same. Time loses its effort of being put into boxes of seconds, minutes and years, all muddled.
In the arms of a lover, seconds feel like centuries, that heartbeat was one that lasted for ages, witnessed the rise and fall of kingdoms, the birth of stars, yet never is enough. You could lie wrapped in those arms for years, and that wouldn’t still be enough.
Why all these thoughts?
It’s my birthday today. Another year passes and I can feel my soul getting older, or younger, wanting to be nestled in a blanket, listening to Janacek Sinfonietta, and also being buried in an avalanche of balloons. Or wolf down two big bowls of chocolate ice cream, this for all you know maybe the ice cream high talking.
Another year and still the same relationships. I try to not let things mean too much, some things can’t be fixed, maybe they aren’t broken that requires mending, maybe that is the way that they are supposed to be.
Called my twin sister to wish her, all that she did was cut the call. Well still better to acknowledge my call instead of pretending that I don’t exist.
The funny thing being that I hate telling people that it is my birthday, or those 12am calls. Like an old bird, I prefer a warm hug, long conversations, mails or letters and chocolates, instead of a HBD (height of being lazy) on whatsapp or a forcible facebook wish, one that refuses to step down the top of the notification bar.
This year I make no promises of being strong, being better, getting over people, building/burning bridges. This year I want to breathe, and feel free. Do nothing, let the waves push past me, leave those chains of ambition and walk on the grass, let problems and confusion tie themselves in a knot and be undone on their own, not bother, take a hot bath and let my thoughts flow.