First Love

IMG-20150521-WA0014 An unsettling timid beating heart, butterflies that flutter on listening to that one name, the embarrassing blush that sets in without any warning, and giggles that don’t stop.

Sounds familiar?

First love comes bursting into our lives, turning harsh winters to spring and when it ends, it moves out like a storm leaving behind a trial of destruction. A looming gap, that chips, a bit when the pain moves rushing through.

The never ending questions, constantly asking you if you would be able to fall in love, again. To dance through the rigmarole that accompanies love, again.

If I could, I would gladly erase that first love, it’s not every day that you meet someone who wreaks havoc in your pulse, makes you giddy and takes down those walls behind which I have hid my heart, since forever.

When I see people fall in love, all that I want to do is stop them. These little bursts of chemical reactions tend to have an expiry period, the more number of times you fall in love, this magic potion ends up depleting faster. You lug a baggage of memories, insecurities from one relationship to another, all in exchange for a piece of your heart.

Is it worth it?

But today that I look back, despite all the years that we fought like squabbling kids, not leaving any attempt to undermine and get back at each other, I have a lot to thank for.

Half the person that I am today is knowingly or unknowingly because of you, of the long discussions on psychology that we had, of the books that we read together, of the unending fierce debates that indulged in, never taking each other’s side just because we were in a relationship, relying on logic and sometimes on mindless beliefs to sail through.

Taught me how having a mammoth ego can burn bridges, being ungrateful pushes the other person into a world of pain, to not conform with the rules of relationships that have already been written.

You don’t need hours of phone calls and messages, mails that proclaim your love and dates, all that you need to find is what makes you ‘tick’.

Maybe that grief will never heal, those crevices will never fill, and you will constantly wonder how much love your heart can hold.

But someday, turn back and thank those who broke your heart.

And to the one who taught me that first love never lasts,

Happy Birthday.

This post is day 3 of Rob’s challenge.


39 thoughts on “First Love

  1. Beautifully written. Whether first love was worth it or not would be a question all of us would answer differently, but yours clearly gave you joy and pain in abundance, and I feel you look at the joy more than at the pain. 🙂

    • Now that is one way of looking at it. the more you think about the painful times, the faster you sink. And I don’t want to have any regrets.

      Afterall, what is done in love, is done well 🙂

  2. Agreeing to all you said, love that didn’t last was never love rather it filled with you more with questions than feelings, …..for love/true love occurs only once ….

    • I guess true love changes as you grow up.
      There was a time when I thought that I wouldn’t fall in love again, yet here I am 5 years later nursing another heart break.

      was that not love is what I ask myself?
      But now I realise that those two loves were of a different kind, there can never be two loves of the same kind.
      Each provides you with something that you needed at that point in time…

      • In that case it’s more like usefulness and experience …. I have been in a phase of waiting for almost 7 years only to know I was played and then another game 🙂 Weren’t my feelings true, they were but if today I still continue to name them love, I won’t be able to move on….

      • Well I have learnt a way to move on, I try and dismiss all those bad memories, though I still think about them, I don’t as much fret about it. That way when I look back I have a ton of happy memories!

        The thing with love is that with time people, feeling and circumstances change. If you can grow with that person and accept them, no conditions attached, love finds a way to stay on.
        But if that is something that cannot be done, then remember that some people are meant to be in love but maybe not together..

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