Let’s talk about Sex

Now that I have got your attention, let me tell you that this post is going to be a rant.

I watched a movie today called, Margarita with a straw, which basically deals with a woman’s sexuality, one who also is affected by Cerebral Palsy. Right in front of me there were around 15 guys and girls, about 25 years of age and a couple of girls of around the same age group seated next to me.

And then they started laughing, on stupid things, right from the name of the society that supports the disabled people which led to the girls scream and shout, ‘Are we watching a movie on a mad girl, like mentally retarded?’ to the girl’s slurred accent, the cherry on the cake would be when she kissed a boy, that brought about a barrage of loud laughter, and a loud question amidst giggles asking how is that a disabled girl feels all this? That they are disabled na?

The funniest would be the SEX scenes, both the times, when she had sex with a guy and a girl, with loud gasps and unending giggling and with the guys teasing the other girls in the group.I fail to understand as to why all of us here act stupid, why does the word sex evoke laughter and embarrassing stares?! For a country that has an entire temple dedicated to erotic sculptures and do I even need to talk about Kamasutra, we find the word sex to be a taboo.

And for a movie that is rated -A, they allowed kids in the theatre, shouting crying babbling children, and then state that despite certifying movies that had adult content in them, children somehow pick it up. It is because of this!!!?

Even while filling out the sex column that asks between male and female in the admission forms, there is a hesitation, embarrassment and definitely a chance to giggle! Why are we so averse to the word sex? Considering that we figure on the top in the list of countries viewing porn and the number of prostitutes (http://trendadda.com/2013/08/india-among-the-top-countries-in-viewing-porn-materials/ & http://www.state.gov/j/drl/rls/hrrpt/2008/sca/119134.htm), why is it so awkward to even say the word out loud?

The ones who can proclaim their sexuality openly are the fat, unattractive, over aged unmarried women, in comedy shows that serve as the correct formula for bringing out a few laughs. Hint – Comedy Nights with Kapil, which is a highly popular show in India, where the man insults his wife and her parents, the protagonist’s grandma is a drunk flirt and his father’s sister is an over aged unmarried flirt, basically all the female characters in the show are played by men and are classified as ugly, stupid and horny.

And then there is the talk of disabled people, of how since they are disabled, they cannot feel anything remotely sensual, that they should feel sorry for themselves and that is the only rightful thing for them to feel.

The most popular person right now in India is – Sunny Leone. She is a porn star who is now a Bollywood actress, and whenever a movie releases, there is a very popular facebook status that is put up every time a movie of hers releases – “We live in a country where a porn-star is easily accepted in the society but a rape victim is not even accepted as a person. Admit it!” Sample one here –

and another one that advocates women to spend time learning self defence and not waste time in shopping and taking selfies, if there are 5 people who come at you with an intent to rape, be it a man or a woman, I don’t think self defence and trying to fight would help at that point if you are outnumbered, all that you can do is use pepper sprays, shout and run.

We are the society and form the country! How difficult it is to understand this, and the fact that you can’t keep one woman on a pedestal and insult the other. When you talk about respecting women, it means all of them, anyone with 2 x chromosomes, including the hermaphrodites too.

For everyone out there who updates their status once in two months with regards to women issues in the hopes of generating as many likes as possible, there are things that you can do, instead of blaming the society! Stop people or atleast raise your voice against the people who eve tease, and help those whom you call disabled, by not making fun of them, by not tching them, help if you want to, but not because they are inferior to you.

All of us have our share of troubles, its time we show empathy and not be assholes.

Edit – Was watching an english show and the word sex got beeped out with the subtitles showing the word as *** and the word sexy got beeped out too, with the subtitles showing it as ‘beautiful’. FTW?!

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100 thoughts on “Let’s talk about Sex

  1. When I visited the Sun Temple in Konark, it was Indians who giggled; not foreign tourists. I think it’s a hangup from when the British ruled and made women “cover up” because before that, many, particularly in the south, went without tops. I wrote a blog on this and connected to an interesting article on the history of Indian clothing which I thought was excellent.
    Sleezy Sunny Leone – say no more. I sympathize. Glad I live in Canada.

  2. I must say I am relieved to read this. At least some of us already think over it and some more will realize after reading this. I too find it weird that with all the brains and knowledge all we see in each other is sex/gender, whatever ! It’s like we are no different from wild animals ! And the problem with media is wrong people are projected as icon !
    Overdare is being mistaken as Self-defense. Why can’t the society be more alert as a whole than only the women community !
    I don’t watch TV so had no idea about Comedy nights, but joking on the expense of so called (not) beautiful women is appalling !

    Sexuality/sex is just like any other thing one does in their lives irrespective of how they look or where they come from, there’s nothing to hype or giggle or restrict or hide ! People will watch porn and other stuff but are reluctant to go to medical stores to ask for condoms or similar protection measures, in what way can I ever say we have progressive thinking !

    • Precisely my point!
      I have no idea as to why if someone has a sex life, it’s downright scandalous!
      That is the way we function as humans! To reproduce!
      I don’t have any words for the level of immatureness that people bring to the table while talking about sex..

  3. I watched the movie yesterday. It indeed is sad that not only several people treat all disability as madness, but sex continues to be a major taboo. I remember the nervous giggles the class would get into when we first learnt about sex in school. Have the years not changed anything in terms of maturity?

    I have also had distressing audience-related experiences such as the one you talked about. Babbling kids are brought for movies that have clearly been A-rated. Brilliant film-making is destroyed on account of misplaced laughter, incessant chatter and people talking on mobile phones. Woe betide if the film in question brings forth a quiet scene with little conversation, or one that involves lovemaking! A lot of the audience takes this as a cue to giggle. It spoils everything.

    • Exactly! The girls sitting next to me were chatting away on their phones, giggling and bitching about some girl who had worn a hideous outfit, I don’t know why people come to watch movies anymore if all that they want to do is talk!?
      Why spoil the experience for others?
      As soon as the girl’s ma starts the alaap there was one guy who thought it would be incredibly witty of him to mimic the same with his tone deaf voice.

  4. It’s just annoying when people do that, giggle and laugh on such silly stuff. I mean didn’t you do your study on the film!? didn’t you see the trailer !!?? It’s just idiotic. sorry for the all frustrating comment but those kind of people really vex me. I really liked the way you covered all the issues.

  5. very nice. specially last para now a days it’s a fashion to be feminist, write on Facebook or twitter, telling in public places without understanding anything at all, just to be in center they say, i think not just people even media also.
    2- you should not be disturbed by this, there will be always two side even if it is ultimate truth. always remember we prepare our self not for those 99 % people, we prepare our self for those 1% who hide within remaining ones. once famous scientist (i think so ) said society will degrade not because of those few ones it will because majority of them will not respond.

    3- media is playing major role, media belongs to those few because it is TRP race. if one boy fell in the well then same time thousands others. if one rape occurs same time, same city thousand others…..how? you can understand easily.
    no one is GOD here everyone has weakness and media serials, shows utilizing that funda very well, you know what i mean,subconsciously. we can recover consciously but from subconsciously …….

    4- when SEX will become prime entertainment things then it’s just indication that we are on the verge of destruction. Greece, India and many more country are the example from history.

    5- there are three type of people who can do anything a) those who have enormous money b) those who don’t have any fear c) those who are in the power

    SEX can be very constructive if it is done by right and proper manner, sorry i can not support sex other than this, you can say i am little old fashioned or not that much modern 😉

    • The movie basically shows a woman’s desire and her sexuality, I don’t know how and why should people be offended by this.

      Further, there is no other side of the story in making fun of a disabled person.

      The word sex needs to be less of a taboo, no point in laughing giggling and looking embarrassed just because of a word right?

      • no one is offended, i was not talking other side of the story, it was two sides of the people for everything. sex is taboo or not i don’t know but now a days it’s very common.

      • I’m talking about the word baba, why does the word cause jitters, its just like any other word! No one implies that you are having sex when they talk about the word..

  6. Sadly this attitude is reflected the world over – sex isn’t really the issue or the juvenile attitude it lies with being ready to “laugh at others” who have fewer life chances than the rest.

    Some countries feel they have got the issues under control because they make laws to regulate behaviour in public but is that really the act of a mature society. We shouldn’t need any rules.

    All people have the opportunity to be caring, sociable and kind through ignorance and embarrassment they chose to entertain themselves by laughing at sex and at disability

    • True, what I say is that if you can’t be of any help atleast stop irritating people and making their lives miserable.

      Why go to a movie theatre and laugh, talk loud and pass comments while there is a sensitive topic in progress and spoiling the experience of the others watching the movie?

      I guess we are just too insensitive.

  7. The argument is written in a best possible way. I wonder the same. It has happened to me that while watching any movie in a cinema, if the characters kiss or get intimate, the crowd around giggles, whistles and do every stupid and ugly thing. One such movie was, Vikcy donor.
    I believe that as long as people are going to stick to low mentality, nothing will ever change.
    Sex is an offensive word and cannot be spoken out loud. But naming a night when you first have sex, ‘Suhaaj raat’ or ‘First night’ is acceptable and has a lot of respect. Isn’t is disturbing?

    I just hope that some day these people learn that sex is not an offensive word, but being stupid is.

  8. And you know what they did in UP?! They did not release the film, saying that the movie is made for a niche audience and the movie will run into losses if released here! A part of me revolts against this but then there is this part which says it is better for the film not to release than be disrespected by the people. Because what you’ve said is unfortunately the truth and people don’t embrace the fact that desire is one of the main pillars of life and you should definitely not be a giggler when it comes to it!
    PS – you should probably check the list of words muted and replaced by the censor board in movies. It becomes quite funny when you accept how ignorant they are…

    • This pisses me off to no extent, why is it that people think that a woman cannot desire, that it is okay to desire if you are over aged, unmarried and fat and ugly but if you are normal and then have desires, it is looked down upon.

      Is it okay if men show their desires and women don’t?

      Don’t get me started on the words that are beeped on the English shows! No wonder got isn’t aired here, I guess it would be safe to say that for the next few decades we won’t be watching any shows like this, no matter how intelligent the content is..

      • Exactly!! And honestly, the society has to resolve these issues before judging and making laws against the LGBT community. I mean come on, understand and acknowledge the fact that one’s sexuality or one’s desires can vary and there is nothing wrong in expressing it!
        True that! Though GOT is aired on HBO Defined, but it is highly edited..
        But no, I’m not kidding! Tell me you didn’t have a laugh after reading this..
        https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_KNxDeUwAAKK_Y.png:large

  9. The censor board is the worst!
    They edit a 2 and a half hour movie into a 1 hour movie. And beep words like – “shit” which isn’t vulgar at all.
    And the channel comedy central was off air for a few days because it was disrespectful towards women but what about comedy nights with kapil or a bunch of other daily soaps!
    I think the problem starts at home. Parents sushing and hushing the topic whenever it arises. Right from when we are kids and uninformed. Eventually, we learn by ourselves (thanks to the Internet) and stop asking/mentioning/discussing with them because it would be awkward.
    And that giggle! Oh my god the giggle! I feel like high fiving their faces with a brick.
    In the name of being conservative they are being insensitive.

  10. Ok patriarchy is fucked up and so is censorship. And both have been around for centuries, and especially in India sex is a big no-no on the list of dinner table topics. which is weird cause we practically wrote a ‘how-to’ sex manual that’s world famous. If you wanna talk about sex, i think we should start at home. I can already see my mom cringing.

    • See, that is what I don’t get. All that I’m talking about is the word, just the mere mention of the word brings about a barrage of giggle!?

      I started using the word sex at home, something that I would have consciously avoided, call my Ma sexy, till she was okay with it. And now, both my parents don’t cringe, its a long way though from a glare to looking at it as if its any other word..

      • You suppress something it will eventually become taboo. And that’s the case here i guess. We suppress words (among other things) and when people run into them they throw up a reaction. In this case it’s giggles. Other times people get defensive and violent, usually older people. But i think you just sat around a bunch of dumb immature kids.

      • I wouldn’t want to call them kids, foolish and epitome of stupidity would better suit them.
        Who on earth makes fun of disabled people?!

        We are just too insensitive and definitely don’t pass any moment to make others feel inferior or have a few laughs at their expense..

  11. Firstly this is the reason I dont go to movie halls often, last time I met some “Happy New Year” crowd, while I was watching Interstellar. And secondly we Indians are world champion hypocrites, sexists, racists and homophobics. We are nature’s wonder.

  12. thought provoking post
    I think people, of all ages, and genders laugh to cover up not only their insecurities, but their inexperience and understanding of what most have made a taboo subject instead of a very normal act in life. society has always handed the over the uncomfortable “discussions” from early ages to someone else, thinking someone else can teach their children what they should be, though it is a repeating pattern to think it will just magickly get done
    I will stop before it turns into a rant

    you have really could insights in your post, it was a good read
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us
    Take Care…You Matter…
    )0(
    maryrose

    • I guess the more we start treating this as a taboo, the more it starts getting swept under the rug and ends up being a forbidden topic.
      Considering the vast number of rapes and gross ill respect towards women, this matter needs to be discussed and debated out in the open without any inhibitions.

      Thank you for the comment 🙂

      • it has been taboo for as long as i can remember, i used to do spiritual counseling, i was always amazed that neither one of the couples knew what they wanted to give or receive in their sexual lives, yes they would say they wanted more, but the tension to come out and say what they wanted was like watching a tooth being pulled….

        ahhh what a screwed up world we live in, when the most natural act is made taboo and not to be spoken out loud in mixed company even if you have been living with them
        you’re right, it should be out in the open with no inhibitions,
        Thank you again for such a good post
        )0(

  13. I strongly agree with your views. People here are always ready to comment. Now even look at me, I’m simply posting this comment here when I could have been doing something beneficial. India is a funny country and we are jokers, forever trying to please the society. Sex here is expected to follow some kind of procedure, like you apply for some job or something. People are stubborn; they won’t change their views at any costs. And moral policing! These are the people who could do nothing with their lives so they set out to ruin others’. All this combined with the ‘sanskari’ people preaching traditions make our nation so unique. It’s high time they change.

    • I tried sex ed classes where I used to volunteer, basically 3rd graders at a government school but it was in the nature of abuse and its prevention.
      But apart from that, if you do talk about sex openly, you have a “loose” character, and will sleep around. Just talking about it at times makes people feel as if you want to have sex with them!?
      Which is a very stupid train of thought..

      • Yea. If you discuss sex then you come across as a pervert and the society decides to banish you.

      • And I can’t even begin to describe the weirdness of all of it in the four walls of my own home.
        As soon as any one of the english channels show a make out scene, I need to dive for the remote and change the channel, all in a heart beat just to avoid weird stares.
        I just don’t know why we don’t accept that it is a part and parcel of life, that knowing about these things doesn’t make you wrong and having a sex life isn’t scandalous!

      • We are expected to believe that we were delivered by a crane after our parents’ marriage. And the remote issue is general. You even have to change channels when they show sanitary napkin ads. After all we are expected to keep up our sanskaars!

      • Exactly!
        I can’t put in words the dread that the boys at the medical store look like they are in while I go to purchase sanitary napkins.
        From the insensitive nonsense jokes to utter crappy ads of women climbing forts and running around, which is the height of bullshit.
        All that I want to do is stay at home, rest and eat chocolates and icecreams.

      • They can atleast be tolerated. Its worse when the orthodox women at homes expect you to sit like a piece of artwork in a corner. I’m a guy so I don’t know what goes through women’s minds.

      • I know!
        I have friends whose mothers make them sit and eat separately, don’t touch them and treat them like crap for 5 days a month, now that is pure nonsense! And some of them wake up at night, whenever it does start and take a head bath with cold water, winters are such a pain for them.

        I don’t know why the entire fuss about a woman’s period!
        Whatever happened to live, and let live!

  14. I couldn’t agree more with you. I don’t understand the taboo that surrounds this word. It’s just sex. I mean after a certain age people think about it, some do it as well. What is the big deal!
    It is one of the most natural things.
    And in India, we definitely follow this pattern. In movie halls, people create such nuisance, destroying the experience for everyone!

    These simple things matter a lot

  15. I am thankful you shared this. I learn so much through your blog. I also agree, people should just be able to talk and discuss things without the uncomfortable giggling. There are really important social issues that need to be changed and they won’t be until we are able to see them and talk about them without embarrassment.

    • I can’t even begin to talk on the absurd insane talk that people here have on gender equality. Safe to say I’m being barred from talking to others about women rights and empowerment cause apparently I’m too strong headed and offensive.

      Why don’t people sit and talk about these things? About rapes, sex, marital rape, dowry murders, periods (I can hear the collective cringe), tampons!
      If we don’t stop swirling in embarrassment just on the mention of these topics, how are we ever going to find a solution to problems concerning them!

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