Leaning against the railing, I clutched it tight. The cold steel felt relaxing against my warm palm.
A lit cigarette dangled between my fingers, strangely it seemed like everything was out of order, yet peaceful.
Whoever did say it was lonely at the top, forgot to add that it was worth the view.
Here, on the 46th floor, everything else seemed small, the dimly lit buildings around, the roads and the honking of vehicles.
This, was my favourite part of the day, to watch the city stumble, grossly out of rhythm, yet finding its way back in the little things, be it the weather or the people, it sins and blessings.
Taking a long drag of the cigarette, I watched the smoke float, aimless, soulless, like it was done trying to fit in, trying to stand out, and then disappear.
Staying at a hotel seems like a better option, after all it would cost me much less than the heavy installments being deducted from my account. Or for that reason I should have bought an expensive and more comfortable car, would make sleeping in it worth it.
Where has life brought me? Is this how it was supposed to be?
An endless stream of emails and meetings, coffees and conference calls, yet not a moment to pause.
The thoughts started tightening around my neck.
Yanking off the top two buttons of my shirt, uncaging my locks and kicking off my heels, I stood on the ledge. Spreading my arms out wide, feeling the warm wind caress, I looked down.
I chose this life, the madness, the rat race, running around like a headless chicken, a heavy bank balance yet an empty heart and a big house, yet never a home.
The streets looked calm, a fall from here would maybe not kill, a few broken bones and a pause, finally, after seven long years.
Taking another long pull of the cigarette, I flicked the ash away and let it free, to fly with the wind.
Almost losing balance, I decided it would be wise to clutch the railing.
Trying an ‘En Pointe’ like Kate Winslet from Titanic, I felt my escape just within reach.
If only I could muster the courage to peer and bend lower.
‘Hey! The meeting is going to start in five minutes’, a voice from behind yelled at me.
Sighing, I climbed down, popped a mint, tied my hair and collected my heels in my hand as I walked my way back. the escape had to wait, clients were more important than life decisions.
Glancing at my watch, the dial lit up to indicate that it was already past 11, consider the hotel idea seriously was the last thing that I could think of, before sinking, back into the grind.