Aunty Hangover

Thanks to my sister’s engagement, I’m down with an aunty overload. Though it would be an uncle overload too but unfortunately I haven’t met many varities of the same.

So, presenting the various types of aunty –

  • Ultra Bhakti Aunty: Now the aunties belonging to this class are too devotional and if that wasn’t enough, they expect the other girls also to be the same. To know all the bhakti geet and shlokas by heart and dress up ‘decently’, the kind who will shoot you one extremely dirty look because you have no freaking clue about some random Punjabi prayer being sung and cause you have a sleeveless top, Oh my! What a sin!?
  • Dance Masti Aunty: These aunties love to dance and pull others to dance too, against their very will, and if they protest, will go complain to their parents about it. The worst part is that their choice of song is the ‘radha solo dance’ and suddenly midway when you have 20 year olds dance their way away, these 50 plus ones join the crowd, making it a not so pleasant situation thanks to the size and moves.
  • Bhukkad aunty: Food is all that they love, making mountains of rotis and rice on their plates and gobbling down gulab jamuns at an alarmingly fast rate to hounding the waiters serving the starters, they are the ones to count while recovering the per plate rate at a buffet 😀 😛
  • Har baat pe toko aunty: These aunties have to give their bit of criticism on every single thing, from the food to the flowers to the music and hold your breath, the pandit too! Overheard that the pandit didn’t know what he was telling and another pandit from the rival caste should have been called *facepalm!*
  • Regional Divide Aunty: Now since this was an inter region/caste/I have no clue what it is supposed be apart from a simple love marriage, all that I could hear was the north-south divide since we have predominantly been raised in the south and the guy is from the north. The aunties didn’t leave any stone unturned to add how the ‘madrasis’ were dark and that there were girls who were the colour of milk that could be potential brides.
  • Gift check Aunty: These aunties keep a track of the number of fruit baskets given, the types of dry fruits gifted, the amount of cash distributed, the clothes gifted and the size of each person’s gift including guessing the gift given!
  • Matrimony association aunty: These aunties keep a track of all the single guys and girls, from their kundalis to salaris to educational backgrounds to family wealth, thus making them a walking talking matrimonial site. Keeping rishtas ready for their sons, cousins, neighbors, family friends or at random making matches for strangers. Oh and yeah they also keep check on who is flirting with whom so that it makes for a good topic for the next evening’s tea gossip.
  • Fashion Aunty: These aunties have the complete list of what clothes go with what accessories and hair do, they always have an eyeliner, lip gloss, compact or kajal that come handy in dire situations! And of course, you will have the kind who will nudge you to drape your sari in another fashion and will not stop bugging you till you do so.
  • Jawaani nahi dhalti Aunty: Now these aunties are waaaaay over their age yet refuse to accept that they have aged and try to act like their daughter’s sisters which is plain nauseous. From wearing colour coordinated same sized clothes and I won’t even talk about the provocative and seductive dance moves, that just made me run and hide like a cornered animal.
  • Dollar Aunty: These aunties are typical NRIs who will convert their currency into INR and talk about how rich they are, about the nauseating poverty and cleanliness and the lack of 5 star hotels in the country and how ‘modern’ the girls abroad are but will choose a gharelu indian bahu for their sons who can cook, clean the house and definitely be totally covered.

Ending my rant short here with a typical aunty statement:

indianparentssay1

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62 thoughts on “Aunty Hangover

  1. Hmmm, let me see. I’m in Canada, but one of my sisters is the fashion lady type, another is the money type…and, push come to shove, I guess I’m the one who makes sure I get the quota at the salad bar.

    Ach! Everything old is new again 🙂 Are people really every so different?!

  2. Hahah..met them all at one occasion or the other! Can add to entertainment or annoyance depending on who you meet!
    PS: I can sort of make nice circular rotis 😀
    Havent done it in some time though 😛

  3. Ha ha.. I know at least two of each type. The NRI ones are so annoying with their “India aate hi smell aani shuru ho jaati hai”!
    But the worst is probably the “hum to ji open minded hain” aunty! Constantly talking about how they’re “modern” and have “permitted” their children to marry for love and are ok with their bahus wearing jeans! “Aajkal to sab bachche pehente hain”!

    • I have these nri wale in my family, as a matter of fact they consist of 70% of my family and relatives and the likes.

      Whenever they visit us for either a wedding or a vacation, they form an nri gang and specifically exclude me, my sister and a distant cousin from the group and talk in a weird accent.
      Further it is absolutely embarrassing to go out with them cause they start acting cranky and make sure they stress on the fact that they have been living abroad since a few years, from the assistants at shops to the cashier *facepalm* and tried to hit on a muslim girl once and ended up getting roughed up by her brothers! 😀

      Plus after visiting all the best malls and touristy places, they get ‘depressed’ and the way to get rid of this is to go to an expensive restaurant and have a drink at an upmarket bar.

      I never understand what is with the lotion bottles and Neutrogena creams! *banging my head to the wall*

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