Strength, attractiveness and life

I was born a premature baby and always had some or the other health problem adding to that I was hyper active. To ensure that my time got well spent as well as I developed some sort of immunity (since asthma is a hereditary problem in my family), I was enrolled in a bunch of classes, ranging from music, art, dance, skating and swimming.

Since I was exposed to all of this at a young age, I never had any stage fright and was very outgoing, would take part in almost all the competitions possible and my parents would let me go alone to them too, cause both of them were working and didn’t have the time to run behind me. Independence is something that I was granted at a young age.

But what did happen was, I wasn’t a good looking girl, growing up wasn’t easy, from gaining weight to having a growth spurt and the inevitable acne. Somehow being popular for extracurricular activities did get me recognition but also made me a gullible target. Children at puberty tend to be very mean and I was subjected to a lot of it. Despite being strong, there is always a threshold to one’s pain.

Neither was I a fair nor was waif thin, so what I ultimately became a dusky, healthy and not such a good looking girl. My confidence which I had gathered over the years had taken a major hit. The amount of unnecessary bullying that I had faced for a few years have made me what I am today, strong is the only word to describe the same.

What I did do was develop a thick skin; I managed to set up a wall/shield to protect myself. I never tried to please people, on the other hand silently heard to all the taunts and tried not to lose my temper because I knew it would add to unnecessary complications.

Looking good has always been a touchy topic for me, since then, I hate to have my photographs taken. Fortunately/ unfortunately as the years progressed, my skin cleared up and I started looking better, but I never did anything to make myself look desirable. I had accepted the fact that looks aren’t something that you have in your control; however your personality is something that you can mold.

Since my mother was always hell bent upon the fact that we read and develop our knowledge, my house resembles a mini library. The positive outcome of this was that I knew how to talk about anything and everything had my own set of informed views.

Once I had decided that I had it being sobby, I started giving people a taste of their own medicine. I turned into someone who is cold, rude and mean. Very few people can tell me that they like me at the first instance, I am not a people pleaser; will talk my mind out, no matter how the opposite person feels. And if I did sense that I’m probably going to be bullied or made fun of, I never leave a chance to demean or make the opposite person feel inferior.

I don’t easily let people in my life, always stay guarded, and keep my distance. That would be one of the reasons that I have just 3 friends in all my 23 years of life with whom I can talk openly and whom I trust immensely. I don’t judge a person by how they look, because I know how it feels. I never try to look good because looks no matter one day will leave you but your soul is what is indelible.

I would be lying if I told that guys haven’t chased me, but I never gave them any attention. That is one of the reasons that I manage to scare people off or that they have some fear while talking to me because I give the vibe that sweet talk with me isn’t going to get you anywhere, I try to control who comes in my life and that it is my choice of people with whom I wish to interact

My cold exterior is often mistaken for arrogance. My arrogance is not because I’m good looking, it’s because I’m not. I have for as long as I can remember tried not to give the power to anyone to hurt me, always tried to be in control.

I’m looking out for myself by trying my best not to get hurt, I know it isn’t possible but atleast its worth reducing the chances. I’m still brown skinned and will not use fairness products to attract attention nor try to be likeable, I will not mince my words to be in the good books of others, will not pay any attention to what others feel about me. If they find me desirable their headache, at times I do dress up but that is when I’m in the mood and not for anybody else.

By already letting down my wall once, I know of the pain that I have suffered and still suffering, maybe it will get better with time but till then I will use books as my solace, will read so that I can travel and experience all the things that I have yet to come across. At times I think that I’m stronger than people give me credit for.

mind

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53 thoughts on “Strength, attractiveness and life

      • No you should actually chill yaar! I don’t think there are too many people being mean. At least I have met mostly good people. I am dark brownish, and friends do make fun of me but I wholeheartedly laugh with them. You need to try and laugh more πŸ™‚

      • I went through almost a good 5 years being bullied, big time and the internet bullying crap was the worst!
        I guess people now are meaner than what they were at your time…school was true hell! And for that reason college too, not that i didn’t have fun but then some things just open a pandora’s box of memories na.

        Its not that i have a problem with being dusky, and i too make jokes about it but there is a difference between a taunt and teasing and a joke na

      • I must agree. I studied in Mumbai and I being from Southern south was dark. Was a nightmare, because one small spark from someone and they will all kill you. May be cos it’s many years before I don’t remember much from those yesteryear’s.

      • I don’t understand why do people have to be mean? Why tick and push people to their extreme extents? Why not just mind your own business? Why derive and enjoy sadistic pleasure?!

  1. Oh my! I had to recheck to see if this was my post (Not that I remembered writing something like this). But if I wrote this, the only change would be swapping gaining weight with losing weight. Well! Trust me. I was mocked for being too thin! By my relatives.
    And of course, was bullied at school for being dusky. I have just 2 close friends and I keep people at a distance. I am considered thick skinned. And anyone making comments about my color or weight ticks me off.
    It might be easy for people who get mocked occasionally. But not for me since I have heard too much already. If I’m to list them all down, I’ll be repeating an earlier post of mine. πŸ˜›

    Anyway, I completely understand how you feel. πŸ™‚

    • Ah, well bullying does happen to everyone… If you were to meet me you wouldn’t be able to believe that i have ever been bullied considering that i am very dominating by nature!!

      Thanks for understanding …i would like to believe that maybe some experiences change us for the better.. πŸ™‚

  2. you are strong and that is an admirable trait.. How said being fair was beautiful anyway? Im fair enough but I am no Angelina Jolie . Looks only go so far ! I am glad you dont conform to the usualy fairness bullshit on TV.

    Oh and I am simply the opposite-Shy,people pleaser and worry about bugging anyone or hurting and in process I get hurt, bend over backwards to do something for someone to hope they like me and instead I am still disliked.

    So I am giving up on people pleaser. and going to rude.. πŸ˜€

  3. I have not been bullied per se, but have been at the receiving end of taunts and remarks since childhood about my physical appearance. I developed a thick skin pretty early on, this, i feel, has back fired on me now. In my need to protect myself and make others believe that I don’t care what they think, I have ignored the fact that there are some things I really need to change, for my own good. This is what I am struggling with, right now.

    You ARE a very strong person. But don’t make the same mistake I did. It is ok to let your guard down once in a while, and embrace the uncertainties. While we think we are in control of the world around us, we may end up losing out on something bigger and important..

  4. I have to tell that I am proud of you!!! Its a good thing to be sure of who will hold your back when adversity strikes, you have three great friends thats great .It’s the quality that matters not the quantity. I believe you know people for who they are , its something that I havent mastered so far ! Cheers to a faboulous you!! Looks are just skin deep,you are way more than that girl!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

  5. I faced a lot of this too. I am fat and not very fair. I don’t have long flowing hair! And when I changed school in 11th, I lost my chirpiness. I became shy and quiet because I used to be embarrassed of how I look, surrounded by good looking girls. A lot of my friends today who first met me then, tell me they thought I was boring and stupid! Infact, Simba also thought of me as a stupid, boring girl first!!

    I love dressing up. Not for others. For me. And not always. When I am in the mood to. The only guy who ever fell for me is my husband today. And there are people who have told me that I am not what they would call a perfect girl for him. Because he looks way better.

    It used to affect me initially. But today, I have stopped paying heed to those words because I don’t care what the world thinks about me. They may call me stupid or boring or even dumb. I know what I am and the people that care for me and who I care for know what I am. That is enough.

    I think we need to differentiate between being thin (zero figure, etc) and being healthy (not over or underweight), being fair-skinned (using those stupid fairness products) against having a clear skin (because skin problems indicate hormonal changes or health problems), etc.

    • I think people should learn to appreciate other people by their nature and not appearances.

      No one has a control on their appearance since birth unless it is by plastic surgery but your attitude and nature is something that you can build on…

      • Agreed. Too much is inbred into us at a young age. We are taught to judge others by their color, size, looks, financial standing, clothes they wear, etc. Seldom does anybody say “hey, you don’t know them yet, don’t judge”.

  6. Life will teach you a hell lot of things. Whether one looks good or not, whether she/he is dusky or extremely fair. whether is a nerd or happy-go-lucky sort of person…some people are always out there who keep on taunting and try to establish their superiority. Why care a fig for them? Every person is beautiful in her/his own way and as long as one has a beautiful mind, I think one finds the world a much happier place. πŸ™‚

    For those ill-mannered people..I would like to say “I forgive, but I never forget”.

    P.S. I generally don’t write such long comments on anyone’s blog, but your honest and straight-from-the-heart post compelled me to do so πŸ™‚

  7. Such an honest post! I don’t believe that one human being can judge another one, we are all messed up and beautiful. Why people want to be ‘just like others’ is beyond me! I don’t need to see you to know that you are a beautiful human being. πŸ™‚

  8. This is a refreshingly honest and heart β™₯ felt post. I can resonate with that “armour” we wear to protect ourselves. You have 3 good friends you say? Well I think if you can find just one in this life, you’re blessed. I wish you the very best.

  9. You also have words. The power of words. And my my…the soul sister has started using GOT quotes already πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰

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