Sleepless nights

So, despite the various alternatives that I had to ‘ring’ in the New Year, I preferred to do it in a way that others found boring.

On week days I have a very crappy schedule, leaving me with not enough sleep (I heard that 8 hours should be enough, but I get around 4-5hrs) and I try to make up for the same on Sundays and holidays. And I did just that!

I went to bed early and read a Mills and Boons book (now in hindsight I realize that it was probably a bad idea and maybe I should stay away from romantic books for a while). Since the night was young, I decided that maybe I should stay awake longer because I had the next day off.

While surfing for songs on a popular music app, I found a playlist that read, ‘New Year pe akele’ which translates to being alone on New Year’s. I thought it would probably have some peppy numbers to cheer people up, but no, it had all the sad songs from atleast 10 years back and surprisingly when I sang along to them, I remembered the lyrics! To the T! 😀

And I sang and sang and sang at the top of my voice till I managed to wakeup everyone at home and exhausted my voice, finally tired, I slept. But that definitely wasn’t the end of my New Year party.

I got a text from him yesterday asking me to change the password of my email id and that he had opened it by mistake, I’m surprised how that one line text message ended up digging out so many memories.

I dreamt of an entire 5 hour conversation with him, his replies are still embedded in my head and the stupid part is that I didn’t want the conversation to end, not because we were talking something nice, pleasant and romantic but because we were talking. Something we hadn’t done since May, since he left.

After many sleepless nights, it was finally two weeks back that I could sleep, if not for an entire night then atleast for a few hours but unfortunately I’m back to square one of sleepless nights once again.

Not such a great start to the year, but let’s hope that it gets better…


56 thoughts on “Sleepless nights

  1. I feel you. How can one message throw you back into things which you have been fighting against so long. It’s really depressing. But with time it gets better, I promise. And however sucky this sentence is, it is just as true.

    • To be fair, i haven’t been fighting too long…some where i knew that the relationship would go downhill but i had the hope that love would trump all of it…
      Last month on the 28th , he told it to me in clear words and that is when i realized that it was time to move away…

      It maybe true that time heals but this healing time is what makes things painful..

      • It wouldn’t be any better if you had fought. I was fighting for my ex for almost 3 months and got nothing of it, but be even more hurt by him.
        It is very painful, but you need the pain to be there or it will come back eventually.
        Stay strong 🙂 we can do this x

      • I just didn’t feel like fighting with him…you can’t force a person to be in love with you…i just left it at that.
        Somewhere i knew in that tiny corner behind my head that things would be going downhill but i preferred to ignore it because it was my misconception that we were too much in love.

        Lets hope we do! 🙂

      • I know what you’re talking about. Sadly, it took me a little longer than you to understand that you can’t force other people to feel or behave in certain ways.
        I’m sure we will 🙂

  2. i to had a similar new years eve but it was watching g8 movies. Something I had never done in a very long time. It is ironic how just a”simple text” or other thing can do that to the sub conscious. Like you been there done that but still sleepless in australia.

  3. Actually I can see a sad person in it and definitely you can’t be sad for long. I think you shouldn’t be cos you are a happy person. Keep walking is all I would say 🙂

  4. I’m new to your blog. Can’t stop reading your posts, I just love the way you write your feelings!! Forget the past, I know you’re going to have a great year ahead 🙂 Be Happy.

  5. I know how a message or a call when you are least expecting it can really mess with you. Maybe this is the final page to your story with him. Who knows. But I hope you are able to take each day as it comes and stay strong and positive. Hugs 🙂

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