The above picture is going to be my standard response from now on.
A few months back I had gone out with a few friends of mine, the topic of love made its way into our conversation and mind you, I can be a very irritating person when I’m in love. I’m probably in love with the idea of being in love. I go all mad and start looking at life through rose tinted glasses, almost the song and dance type, completely Bollywood style.
So, coming back to the point, when asked about love, she kept her eyes on the bottle of beer and then looked up in slow motion (or she was probably too drunk) and told me, ‘Pyaar kutti cheez hoti hai’, the rough English translation being that love is a bitch. Her explanation being that love makes you a different person; makes you go through transformations, makes you want things that you never wanted in the first place and the jealousy and heart break is an addition to the long list of cons. And for what? Once this relationship ends, it’s the same process for the next one too, too tiring and too much of a waste of time.
Now that I think about it, maybe it is true.
Though I have always been the “cool” girl-friend, never stalked/hounded my ex- boyfriend be it on call/text/facebook (I’m largely inactive on whatsapp and facebook), primarily because I think that just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean that you can’t be friends with other girls or for that reason, friendly banter which was on the lines of flirting too never bothered me much. I do not have any ‘girl’ friends and it would mighty tick me off if I had restrictions on talking to guys. Additionally, I always gave space and am of the opinion that you must respect each other’s space, love isn’t supposed to make you feel stifled or suffocated.
Despite all of this, there have been times that I have been jealous, may be it was because of him behaving better with someone else and bad behaviour being dished out to me or when boundaries were crossed. And I no longer want to be associated with these petty issues.
I must have easily psycho-analyzed my relationship 927 times but what result does it lead to? I have been listening to sad songs day in and day out, not out of sadness but it’s just that I don’t feel like listening to dhin-chak songs or songs that declare one’s undying love.
Another stupid thing that I do to take my mind off things is to go on amazon and buy bucket loads of books and pick out the oldest hindi songs and try to byheart them, serves as a major distraction.
But the point being that I wasn’t given a reason as to how and why it all suddenly ended, would being giving the reasons make me feel better? Maybe I would try to improve on that aspect and try to work it out but still all the time I’m aware of the fact that this wasn’t going to last. So I have literally paved the path for my own sadness, bringing in expectations when they weren’t supposed to be any in the first place.
The late nights bother me the most, digging up past memories and conversations but every time that I feel like cribbing about it that I remember something that I read a long time back.