Mirror

I have two sisters, one is older to me by two years and the other one is my twin. I’m effectively the youngest amongst us three, missing the chance to be older than atleast one of my sisters by two odd minutes.

Whenever I talk about siblings I always mention the older one and not my twin sister. There were a few family issues adding to that my health, since I was a premature kid and had a barrage of health problems that led us to live separate lives. I grew up with my parents and the twin sister grew up with my grandparents and my Ma’s brother and sister back at Calcutta.

Despite the physical distance between us, we managed to talk on call every day and visited her at Calcutta every year during summer vacations, winter vacations, durga puja holidays or any holiday that gave us a few consecutive days off. Somehow down the line, the daily calls became weekly ones and the visits became cold.

We would get a stipulated amount of pocket money every month which I would save and get my twin a gift, every time that I visited her. But then the response that I got to it every time that I gifted something to her was disheartening. From carelessly tossing it away to criticizing it in every manner possible, all that it did was hurt me a lot. Every year on our birthdays I always would call her dot at 12, and she would either cut my call or not pick up and would send a same to you reply to my happy birthday message days later.

Puberty had not been kind to me so during the growing up phase I had bouts of skin rash and suddenly put on weight and she made maximum fun of me during that period, so much that I would dread visiting my own sister. She was slightly obsessed with looking beautiful and would stand in front of the mirror the entire day and tell me how I was not good looking.

Now that I have the required maturity to understand why she behaved the way that she behaved, I’m still unable to shake off all those bad memories. We hardly ever talk, even if I go to visit her, she refuses to meet us or dishes out bad behavior, though it has remarkably improved in the past 2 years.

My parents keep nudging and pushing both me and my elder sister to talk to her but even if I do its very difficult for me to accept her as my sister, sure she is more like a distant friend except for the fact that we look the same and share the same set of relatives.

We are of similar temperaments, we share the same passion for arts and music and are both short tempered but very different as people. Exterior beauty doesn’t matter for me, never did and never will. I love books and she loves make up.

At times when we meet, I feel like I’m looking at a mirror but I don’t recognize the person on the other end.

She now tries to build communication with me but because I have already seen how foul she can be, I stay away. Sometimes I wonder that if situations were different, would we ever be able to be sisters? if not sisters then atleast cordial enough to acknowledge each other’s presence.

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43 thoughts on “Mirror

  1. I am the only son, and even today I end up asking Mum why I don’t have a sibling. (I know it’s childish. So, I ask “Mum” and not others. 🙂 ) After I read each paragraph (except the first one), I heard a silent and loud “Why?” echo in me.

  2. I agree with trablog! You are indeed a surprise package. My first reaction to the revelation that you had a twin was excitement on imagining something like Fred and George. This must be difficult. You have expressed very well.

    • Ah! I keep listening about twin stories like fred and george; Makdee (if you have seen it) and other movies too…it makes me feel very bad, afterall she is a part of me and my life.
      on a lighter note the new genre of ghost stories based on twins makes me feel slightly thankful 😛

  3. You are a twin.. and seriously it’s sad that you dont get along. But, there is no twin thing to it.. she could have been your older or younger sibling and it could still be that you dont get along. Sibling rivalry is something which everyone faces(who has siblings).

    My brother and I also had some bits of rough patches and rivalry.. Thankfully.. we can now be nice without really killing each other… 🙂

    PS: Twins are a trend in my dad’s side of family.. Dad is a twin and then a cousin had twins too and a few more..

  4. This is shocking…and I know there are issues that best remain unspoken…but then, your elder sister is there for you right ?? 🙂 ❤

  5. I don’t know what to say, I could relate to it somehow. But the truth is.. its just that siblings are the most beautiful bonding God gifts one. The tolerance level needs to be there, yes. Its worth the effort to grow the bond in mutually convenient way. Most importantly spend moments together for memories that will always be dear later on. All the best.

    • Siblings are the people that make childhood fun and life easier, making tons of happy and funny memories.. The problem is that there should be mutual effort, not the kind that presents itself during only times of need and then goes back into bad behaviour.

      • I agree… Its so so complicated at times. Somewhere may be we shouldn’t let go of the efforts to communicate though you know by letting know that there are disagreements but you are still related in a very very special way…

  6. agree with Jithin about the surprise package…don’t know about her reasons about her behaviour, but it seems if you have matured to know and understand her reasons, she must have too..you could try to respond to her efforts, if they seem real and when you feel ready..hugs my girl..take care..

  7. I lived in the same home as my siblings, and maybe out of middle-child syndrome, I also was unable to get along with them, admittedly, sometimes by my own doing. It’s hard, not connecting well with family. Unfortunately, we were only able to connect after there was serious illness. I wish you the best in the ventures with your sister and hope the best health for everyone.

  8. She has not lived with you or your parents. I guess this may have created a sense of complex in her and she took it out on her. Now it is not her fault entirely. You are also not wrong.
    I still think, you should give this relationship a second chance.
    I wonder if it is possible for both of you to talk heart to heart someday.

    • I know but there is not much that I can do. Circumstances have forced us to turn this way..
      Lets hope that the relationship gets better but then there should be effort put in by both the people involved.

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