Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday.

I wish I could tell this to you but I can’t, I have been waiting for this day since May 15th. It breaks my heart to just look at the calendar; December was the only month that I was looking forward since the past six months. And today is your birthday, the distance between us has widened, what was a mere 1500 kms of physical distance has become an emotional one.

I remember our no gifts rule, of how we turned into little kids with art projects, cutting out color papers and writing the most innovative love letters and buying as many greeting cards as possible, the treasure hunt, donations to causes that we supported and of course the cake, school and food.

I still remember the magic show that was held for the kids since you considered their happiness to be your gift, the way they held a look of amazement throughout the entire show, the kid they kept teasing because the magician pulled money out of his ears, the hounding of the kid who swallowed the sword and the big thank you.

Of how we would hog an entire cake double-handedly; of the time that we sponsored the dinner at an old age home and how it scared me to see such old and ill women and how you held my hand throughout telling me that it was okay and the hot rice and potato curry dinner that we had since you couldn’t go for dinner at an expensive restaurant knowing that there are others who aren’t well off.

We never needed fancy gifts or outings or anything special for a day because every day that we spent together had something special in it. I miss running to your place at 6 in the morning and spending the entire day with you, in your arms, just by your side. Watching you play the loud Punjabi music while travelling or the head bobbing that you would do on certain songs, the stupid dance on Govinda songs, the silent conversations, the mythological stories that you would tell me and the way we hugged, the endless pleading that you would do if I spoke about going home, trying to make me stay for just 5 more minutes and the longing of being back together again.

Of how we wanted to be the wind under each other’s wings and not something that chained us from chasing our dreams.

I miss you.

There is nothing that  I can replace you with and I have to live with this feeling. Maybe someday it will all get easier, but my boo, happy birthday! May you get all the happiness and may all of your heart’s desires be fulfilled.



55 thoughts on “Happy Birthday

  1. oh sweetheart…my heart breaks a little reading this..and gets a bit scared too..thinking how would I handle such a loss…stay blessed my dear..

  2. hugs!! There are some days I would look at the calendar and it would make me cry..

    Like the rest said.. it gets easier.. Infact just this year.. I did the mad crazy thing about writing a love letter as birthday wish to the person I like.. i omitted the” love” part in the letter but it would have been obvious. an..so yes I still do crazy things and next year around his birthday.. I just may feel like it was so silly..

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