I’m not very fond of family gatherings, weddings especially. I and my sister are the only unmarried girls in our family and apparently everyone is ‘waiting’ for us to get hitched. Normally I wouldn’t rant about it but this time since my sister is getting engaged next month and married a year later (yay!); I have been promoted to being the only unmarried girl in the family.
So much that we (me and my sister) were introduced as- ‘Congratulate Dolly (sister) since she is getting married and the other girl next to her is her sister who is unmarried’. Adding insult to injury is the fact that I have been getting random advice as well as reasons as to why I’m probably not getting married. Btw I’m 22 and I think if I do get married in the next 2-3 years, it would be classified as child marriage.
In no particular order (I’m just recollecting conversations and bouncing them off my head) , the top 10 reasons as to why I’m not getting married now/ in the future, according to the various random aunts and uncles present in my family and the whole bevy of family friends and ‘well-wishers’ are –
1) Feminism: Yes, I’m a feminist and apparently that is a problem.
How does everyone know this you ask? Well my whatsapp profile picture has something to do with education to women and I used to (6 months ago) put up facebook statuses and share images that supported feminism. This thing however doesn’t go down good with people because Ladki wale (bride’s side) will always be ladki wale and no matter how ‘hi-fi’ you get, pati (husband) will always remain parmeshwar (demi-god) . This nonsense is what I don’t agree to and is hence hindrance number 1.
2) Dark/Dusky: You HAVE to be FAIR (skin color wise) to get married and no color shade below that works. I have been getting a lot of sympathy on the same because apparently living in the south of India has ‘spoilt’ my color. But there are ways to regain my original fair skin-
- Don’t drink tea.
- Cover your face and hands while going out in the sun.
- Use fair and lovely.
- Apply malai (cream of milk) to become as white as milk itself!
3) Not girly enough: I’m half a guy, I do not have typical girl-ish characteristics like putting on makeup and being enthusiastic about weddings and getting my photos clicked (selfies too!). In the words of my aunt – “Agar ladkon ko tum jaisi ladkiyon se shaadi hi karni thi toh who apne doston ke saath na karte?” – Roughly translated to mean that if a guy had to marry a girl like you don’t you think he would be better off marrying his male friends in the first place!?
4) Education: I want to study a lot, which is currently the plan. I want to study or do a course in something that I’m good at and have interest in and I and my parents have no problems if I do work for a few years for experience and then get back to studying a masters course, but the Indian marriage scenario requires that girls if are not married off by 25 to a max 27 years of age, then there is definitely something wrong in the girl.
I mean why get an education when you have a husband to support you!? And I must be mad to waste my parent’s money to study since that would be ‘useful’ to bear my marriage expenses. Plus my would be husband may develop a complex and it would be very difficult to find a guy with education qualifications exceeding those that I have planned off, hence higher education = headache to parents.
5) Marriageable Age: I have been having the standard answer on this particular question since the past 5 years. There is no way that I’m going to even think about marriage before I reach my 30s. To which I have an uncle of mine comment that nowadays with shaadi.com and other matrimonial sites, all the ‘good guys’ are taken away by girls who are aged between 20-25 and if I remain adamant then I won’t find any guy to marry because guys too like young brides (whatever that is supposed to mean!?).
An aunt of mine winks at me and asks me if I wanted to enjoy doing all the things that I ever wanted to do before I got married. Somehow I think that marriage shouldn’t be a punishment of sorts wherein you don’t get to enjoy life! It’s always better to be independent financially and being well off so that you never feel helpless incase you ever need to walk out of your wedlock.
6) Slim: Some reasons why I can’t be waif thin-
- I love to eat.
- I’m a Bengali so I’m pretty sure that I’m genetically modified and capable of hogging.
- Did I already mention that I love food and love to eat?
I don’t understand the madness with being slim/thin, being fit I can understand or rather being healthy but how can anyone ever have a problem with food!! I think people who love to eat are the best people to be around! 😀
7) Children: I don’t like children, there I said it.
That doesn’t make me mad, insensitive nor is a justification like, ‘OMG, you are a girl! How can you not like kids!?’
I like children but from afar, provided there is a safe distance between me and them. They are hardly ever silent and wail and leak their heart out. And no, I do not plan on having any of my own! For some very strange reason, this is a major deal breaker since people marry not out of love but because of the compulsion to carry their race forward!
8) Stubborn: I’m a stubborn girl, was and will always be. If I find something wrong then I will not agree to it, no matter what. Same thing goes for stuff that bothers me, I can listen to the explanation behind things but if it doesn’t appeal to my logic then I will obviously disregard it.
So, this attitude of mine equals a person who doesn’t adjust and marriage is all about compromise and sacrifice, majorly by the woman. I can wrap my head around the compromise part but then it should be a fair game, consisting of both the parties involved to sit down and discuss things and then take decisions, not blindly expecting the woman to give up her wishes and walk more than her share to bridge gaps.
9) Short tempered: This has no underlying logic, I am a person with a very bad temper. I can get ticked off at the most minute things; however my anger cools down as fast as it rises too! Thus, I make for a difficult person to live with.
10) Grand Indian Weddings: It takes a lot of pain to earn money and to just burn it off (literally) on a two day party makes no sense at all! Atleast to me! If not for anything else, weddings should celebrate togetherness of the two families and people involved but not to indulge in the whims and fancies of the uncle’s-cousin’s-aunt’s-brother’s-watchman’s-friend’s-father.
And don’t get me started on the massive wastage of food that takes place. When I talk about this, all that I get in response from my relatives is that, ’Even the boy’s parents have a few expectations and desires to watch their son get married in a grand manner’. I say, if it is the boy’s parent’s wishes then why not spend money for the same! Why expect the girl’s parent’s to almost go down to the verge of selling off their possessions? Why not go dutch on the wedding expenses atleast!?
There are things that I would probably never agree to, to get married. And I’m more than fine if I don’t get married because of the above reasons, since if I traded off a part of me, of who I am to get into a relationship for a lifetime with a guy just because of the fear of remaining unmarried then that would be injustice, to both me and him.