Closure as they say is important, but today after talking to him, I just realized that all the good memories that I had are now replaced by the bitterness of the words that he spoke. On my friends’ insistence and after thinking about it a lot, I decided to have one final conversation with him. We spoke for 9 minutes and he hardly said anything, it was me all along with my choking voice and tears, but his indifference spoke volumes.
I know I’m an angry person, I get angry and have a real short temper but that cools off as quickly as it rises too, despite this I never intentionally try to hurt the other person and if I did then I make sure to apologize relentlessly to make up for it and then there is him. He never gets angry but is cold and mean, not that he isn’t loving and caring or was all of that, or that should have been my misconception about him.
It was a month odd back that I last spoke to him, not that we broke it off completely then but the way he spoke and the tone and words told me that this was done with, further I didn’t want to be with someone who spoke to me this way, despite me doing everything to make life easier for him. If he told me that he was busy, I wouldn’t call or text and this would go on for weeks since I know that he loves his job and that it requires all his attention. Adding to that I had my exams and I didn’t want my mental stability to get affected so I thought of putting it on pause till I could afford to give it my complete attention.
Now I’m hurt and wounded, all my ideas about how he was the ideal person has been reduced to dust, I remember how my friends told me always that they would love to have someone like him. Now that I think about it I have understood that I always spoke of the nice in him and rarely the not-so-nice parts of his persona.
It shocks me to think that two months back he was planning a visit to my city, a day after my birthday so that atleast if not on time, we would celebrate it a day later and I told him not to come because his travel plans itself sounded so tiring, that too for 3 days and then he would have to make the tiring journey to get back to his place, again. Trying to cover 1500 kms in a day isn’t an easy thing to do and I understood that.
Every time that we would have a fight, be it my fault or his, I would try to mend it and now I’m done with being taken for granted and being someone who would willingly give up her self-respect for the sake of keeping up a relationship. I have decided to burn that last bridge between us and now I want to be free of this feeling of pain and hurt. No doubt it will take time and patience but I just hope that I have the strength to do so.