Closure

Closure as they say is important, but today after talking to him, I just realized that all the good memories that I had are now replaced by the bitterness of the words that he spoke. On my friends’ insistence and after thinking about it a lot, I decided to have one final conversation with him. We spoke for 9 minutes and he hardly said anything, it was me all along with my choking voice and tears, but his indifference spoke volumes.

I know I’m an angry person, I get angry and have a real short temper but that cools off as quickly as it rises too, despite this I never intentionally try to hurt the other person and if I did then I make sure to apologize relentlessly to make up for it and then there is him. He never gets angry but is cold and mean, not that he isn’t loving and caring or was all of that, or that should have been my misconception about him.

It was a month odd back that I last spoke to him, not that we broke it off completely then but the way he spoke and the tone and words told me that this was done with, further I didn’t want to be with someone who spoke to me this way, despite me doing everything to make life easier for him. If he told me that he was busy, I wouldn’t call or text and this would go on for weeks since I know that he loves his job and that it requires all his attention. Adding to that I had my exams and I didn’t want my mental stability to get affected so I thought of putting it on pause till I could afford to give it my complete attention.

Now I’m hurt and wounded, all my ideas about how he was the ideal person has been reduced to dust, I remember how my friends told me always that they would love to have someone like him. Now that I think about it I have understood that I always spoke of the nice in him and rarely the not-so-nice parts of his persona.

It shocks me to think that two months back he was planning a visit to my city, a day after my birthday so that atleast if not on time, we would celebrate it a day later and I told him not to come because his travel plans itself sounded so tiring, that too for 3 days and then he would have to make the tiring journey to get back to his place, again. Trying to cover 1500 kms in a day isn’t an easy thing to do and I understood that.

Every time that we would have a fight, be it my fault or his, I would try to mend it and now I’m done with being taken for granted and being someone who would willingly give up her self-respect for the sake of keeping up a relationship. I have decided to burn that last bridge between us and now I want to be free of this feeling of pain and hurt. No doubt it will take time and patience but I just hope that I have the strength to do so.

please-say-you-love-me-too

I’m done feeling this way!

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42 thoughts on “Closure

  1. I am sorry.. I seemed to have missed if you blogged about this earlier. Break ups are difficult and there is a lot of pain watching those dreams and last shred of hope shatter.

    It is natural to speak good about the person we love and the bad we accept as part of the package. Dont blame your self at all for what has happened. Anger is also part of the process along with a girls night in with a few drinks and to just bitch!

    HUgsx

    • How I wish I could bitch, its just that at times when things like this happen, I go back into my shell and don’t talk about it…fortunately this blog is my only venting outlet…

      • I also vent on my blog actually. But if there was a chance to bitch with an old friend over drinks.. I would take that option as well .

        But what you are going through.. it’s also natural and part of healing. I went through similar bouts of rage,dispair,disgust then went into my shell to ask “how can an intelligent person like me allow this to happen” and “what could I have done to make him stay”

        Just keep the faith and take care
        x

  2. oh sweetheart…I know the feeling…but you if he loved you earlier and now is behaving cold and mean, there is something wrong. Love cannot just go away like that. I am not saying he is wrong or you are wrong, but something is. I hope you try to find it out. May peace and light be with you.

      • I think their is a misunderstanding in his mind about something. A person doesn’t suddenly start behaving like this. He has no reason to be mean and cold to you. That is what I feel. Or he is very much angry about something.

      • I tried to talk to him about it and all that I got was a ‘hmm’ or an okay whose tone was one of displeasure and irritation, so I left it. I don’t know how to talk to a person who doesn’t want to talk, I’m not even asking for an explanation but I want to know can we salvage this and yet no response… I have left it now, trust me I have had enough of trying to men things, unfortunately even patience has a limit…

  3. Hugs..i hope your doing better now. I know how hard it can be when you see a side of a person you never knew existed or one you hoped was saved for others and not you. Dont let anyone take you for granted, even momentarily.
    Hang in there, alright?
    Big hug 🙂

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