Dusky yet Lovely

What is wrong with the above advertisement?

This thought creeped into my head while I was having a conversation about arranged marriages with a friend. I do not ever advocate the usage of fairness cream, never did and never will. She questioned me if it had something to do with my not so fair skin because if I did have a feeling of this sort, I too could use these creams and meet the guy of my dreams.

This, is what is wrong.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be fair-er. But using these creams because there is a stupid advertisement that exploits your fears and instills the thought that being fair could get you your dream guy, talent or confidence is the crappy part.

Why on Earth would someone want to be with a person just because he/she is fair?! It is a widely known fact that outside beauty will wither with time!

Does being fair get you added talent? No.

Does being fair have anything to do with confidence? No.

Then why this madness? Such is the obsession with fairness in India, that we have a billion dollar industry thriving and growing just to exploit this insecurity. Earlier this was only restricted to women but now they have found a new target customer base in men.

I say, use fairness creams only if you want to and not out of societal pressure because there is nothing wrong in wanting to be lighter skinned, its one’s own personal choice. Better, be comfortable in your own skin and body, and definitely kick the ass of people who think, being fair = being lovely.

Two years, Two hours and Two envelopes

It took me two hours and two envelopes to put in two years of memories, away, maybe for good or for bad. Though those two hours were marred with a lot of crying, reading those letters reminded me of the good times, which were in abundance.

I’m still lost and confused as to why and how this happened, I always thought that maybe I’m not the kind who would be devastated when my love walks out and I’m not totally devastated apart from the consistent pain, lack of sleep and unusual bouts of tears.

I thought maybe since he was a 1500 kilometers away, it would be easy, but how wrong am I?! Earlier, I could atleast meet him to talk it out, to check if it could be salvaged in any way but now the only thing that I can do is either think about him or dream. I can’t give him a call and talk because he is difficult to talk to and meeting him is out of the question.

I do realize that I’m probably trying to increase the shelf life of a relationship that will meet its end but I can’t help but hope. My head understands but my heart doesn’t.

Today morning while I was at the post office to courier his letters and the little gifts he gave me, back to him, I had a massive panic attack, knowing that this would be the very last time that I could look at these letters. Maybe I shouldn’t have posted them, but if I didn’t then I doubt if I could ever move on since I keep reading these letters whenever I miss him or just wear his vest for a while and smell it despite the vest losing his raw body smell.

I miss him and there is no running away from this.

I tell people that I’m fine despite getting teary eyed and having a choking voice. Maybe someday this pain will go away; maybe I will finally be able to sleep, peacefully, be it for one night atleast.

In one of the letters he had written that if incase any day we did break up, I should remember that the letters were just a little glimpse of how much he loved me.

When ever did these love filled words turn bitter? I don’t know and maybe I never will..

Closure

Closure as they say is important, but today after talking to him, I just realized that all the good memories that I had are now replaced by the bitterness of the words that he spoke. On my friends’ insistence and after thinking about it a lot, I decided to have one final conversation with him. We spoke for 9 minutes and he hardly said anything, it was me all along with my choking voice and tears, but his indifference spoke volumes.

I know I’m an angry person, I get angry and have a real short temper but that cools off as quickly as it rises too, despite this I never intentionally try to hurt the other person and if I did then I make sure to apologize relentlessly to make up for it and then there is him. He never gets angry but is cold and mean, not that he isn’t loving and caring or was all of that, or that should have been my misconception about him.

It was a month odd back that I last spoke to him, not that we broke it off completely then but the way he spoke and the tone and words told me that this was done with, further I didn’t want to be with someone who spoke to me this way, despite me doing everything to make life easier for him. If he told me that he was busy, I wouldn’t call or text and this would go on for weeks since I know that he loves his job and that it requires all his attention. Adding to that I had my exams and I didn’t want my mental stability to get affected so I thought of putting it on pause till I could afford to give it my complete attention.

Now I’m hurt and wounded, all my ideas about how he was the ideal person has been reduced to dust, I remember how my friends told me always that they would love to have someone like him. Now that I think about it I have understood that I always spoke of the nice in him and rarely the not-so-nice parts of his persona.

It shocks me to think that two months back he was planning a visit to my city, a day after my birthday so that atleast if not on time, we would celebrate it a day later and I told him not to come because his travel plans itself sounded so tiring, that too for 3 days and then he would have to make the tiring journey to get back to his place, again. Trying to cover 1500 kms in a day isn’t an easy thing to do and I understood that.

Every time that we would have a fight, be it my fault or his, I would try to mend it and now I’m done with being taken for granted and being someone who would willingly give up her self-respect for the sake of keeping up a relationship. I have decided to burn that last bridge between us and now I want to be free of this feeling of pain and hurt. No doubt it will take time and patience but I just hope that I have the strength to do so.

please-say-you-love-me-too

I’m done feeling this way!

Farida Ma’am and Rohan

Farida Ma’am was a Parsi and one of the nicest and kindest women I have ever come across till date, she was Ma’s colleague school. Her husband was a chef with Taj Hyderabad and that did have its perks for the rest of us too. The amazing delectable cookies that he would bake and the scrumptious spread of food at parties always made her home, the place to go.

For Farida Ma’am, all the kids were either sweetie pies or cutiepies or dumpling pies. She was an amazing teacher with a much envied sense of humor; never did she once scold the kids who didn’t perform well in studies. She believed that each child was unique in their own way and good scores in exams were not the only thing to live and die for.

Rohan was Farida Ma’am’s only son and was pampered to no extent. Since his dad worked long hours at the hotel, she was not just Rohan’s mother but also his friend. Whenever he had a crush on any girl, the first thing he would do was to tell his Ma about it so that she would pack a few of those delicious chocolate chip cookies for her. Rohan never excelled at studies but had a keen sense of music, and Farida Ma’am had big plans of sending him to a college to do a professional course in music.

A few years down the line, Farida Ma’am’s husband was transferred to the Mumbai branch of the Taj hotels as an executive chef. She along with Rohan shifted to Mumbai. I can still remember her slightly coarse yet cheerful voice, how she called almost every Sunday to enquire about our wellbeing and her plans of visiting Hyderabad.

But as fickle as fate is, within a few months of their arrival in Mumbai, the terror attack widely known as 26/11 had taken place with the Taj Hotel being the epicenter of it. Amongst the many casualties, Farida Ma’am’s husband was one of them.

I remember how we prayed, how all the teachers at Ma’s school prayed that he would be fine but he didn’t survive. I remember her photos being splashed across the last page of leading National Daily; she was dressed in white and was crying and hugging her son.

There was hardly any conversation post that day, Ma would call her and most of her replies would be just a ‘hmm’, she seemed blank and lost her cheerful self and as for Rohan, he became quiet and a recluse.

Barely a year shy of the anniversary of the attack, one fateful morning, Ma got a call from Farida Ma’am’s relative, she had breathed her last. Farida Ma’am was suffering from depression and somehow that culminated into a heart problem, adding to that the stress of raising a child all alone.

Somehow her heart couldn’t take it and she died in her sleep, peacefully.

As of what happened to Rohan, none of us have an idea. It has been 5 years since I ever heard anything about him. Some say that he is being looked after Farida Ma’am’s sisters who live abroad.

All along whenever I think of them, my heart cries in pain. Of how a happy family was torn apart and savaged by fate, of how one incident changed their lives forever.

It has been 6 years since this ghastly and devastating terror attack in Mumbai. Initially in the year 2008 and the next few years, atleast until the execution of Ajmal Kasab, (one of the terrorists caught during the operation black tornado by the National Security Guards) in the year 2012, there was sympathy, people used to talk about this incident. Not that they don’t talk about terror attacks now but as they say, public memory is short lived. The memory of a day as tragic as this is now superseded by new political or movie gossip.

It is heart wrenching to imagine how an entire person’s life gets reduced to a number, of how a living breathing person is addressed to as a body after death.

I just wish that Rohan, wherever he is, is safe and happy.

Green Grass

Found this on quora today, and this actually got me thinking..

Question : When do you know your life has changed?

Answer:  The moment you realize that grass is not greener even on the other side.

And that’s exactly when you start watering grass on your side.

How many times have you thought that the other person has life easy going for them, that God’s ultimate objective is to rain on your parade just when you have discovered the best thing to ever happen to you and this happens, EVERY.SINGLE.TIME.!?

I know I have thought on the similar lines a lot, specially when my day goes bad, like today. When things don’t go as per plan, when you realise that you are stuck in a place that you never imagined you would be, being completely blank and lost.

But maybe I need to accept and admit that circumstances aren’t in my control but I still have the choice of choosing how to react, I can probably make a face and hide behind excuses or face problems upfront, for once accept responsibility for failures and put myself in the other person’s shoes to understand their point of view, after all I believe that all of us carry our own burden and fair share of problems, maybe its time to understand others and their actions…

Introducing Lipuster!!!

Many moons ago I came across this absolutely amazing blog called “Lipuster” (I’m mentally kicking myself as to why I didn’t write about this earlier) but thats besides the point. So, the owner of the blog is an award winning animation filmmaker, comic book artist and illustrator, and is brilliant at it!

Do check out his work and blog at – http://lipuster.wordpress.com/

A few of my favourites are:

This is me, every single time before maths exam especially the praying bit! And since I have a bad memory I would sit next to my sister while she prayed and tell bhagwan that please accept the same from both of us 😛 😀

Jeez, I wish I had such good videos to push me to study, I literally cried my way through school! 😛

The following illustrations are my collection of absolute favourites!

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