Love, heartbreak and other random side effects

This post is a part of Linda’s Stream of Consciousness

                                                                                                                          Love

I myself write about the beauty of love and the joy of being in a relationship but like the saying goes, “A coin has two sides to it”, the same goes for love too.

I have seen extremely meticulous and organized people go haywire and mess up their schedule as soon as they get into a relationship. They make everything else a second priority to their relationships, friendship and work definitely take a back seat. It’s like you lose control and start looking at everything through the rose tinted glasses.

But what exactly happens when a relationship ends?

First things first you feel lost, and can’t concentrate. My friends, who are the studious kind, almost plead their partners to not break up right before exams since it does affect one’s concentration to a large extent.

And then the eternal drama that goes about, Incase you were dumped because you don’t look good enough; your self-confidence goes right out of the window. Incase you were cheated on, then your ability to trust goes down the drain (been there done that).

A relationship does bring about a lot of positives but then when it ends, it leaves you barren and devastated. With the extreme advancements in social networking, breaking up is also a lot of effort.

You start out with deleting their number from your phone, then the photos, then the whatsapp conversation and photos, next come the ‘n-number’ of chat applications that forced you to stay in touch with your lover, next would be the facebook posts/pictures/statuses and finally the announcement to everyone you know that you are no longer committed. And the worst part is the sympathy that you receive.

A break up apart from heartache also brings about your hidden stalking prowess and mind you, just not in women but men too. I know people who stalked their exes for years post the break up on whatsapp and check their status and stalk their current love interests too! Always comparing themselves to them or planning revenge strategies for events ten years down the line or still reminisce the old times and get all sobby.

A cousin of mine had got into one of the internet relationships via the many matrimonial websites and just days before the wedding could take place, the would-be groom developed cold feet and backed out. Now, suddenly betrayed by love, she decided to get married to the very next guy she met. The same goes for another cousin of mine who married a total stranger within a mere 5 months of the end of her previous relationship in a fit of rage just to show the guy that she could get married to anyone she wished. Both the above are now divorced and admit that the decisions taken in extreme haste lead to some not nice situations.

Anyways down the line even if you get married, love is bound to fly out some or the other day so is it worth all the pain? Especially in India, wherein love marriages are still looked down upon, where in you not only marry your partner but their entire family and their wishes/fancies. What is the point of going through all the emotional drama just for one person, who won’t remain their constant self throughout and if they turn into someone whom you don’t like as much a few years later, is it worth the risk?

marriage

No doubt about the good times but when you weigh the amount of pain and heartache that is bound to follow, all that I ask is, why fall in love in the first place? It is the perfect recipe for self-destruction; you lose your identity as an individual all for the approval of another. It’s like you mould yourself into a distinct person and have to go through the entire process with another person.

Relationships aren’t meant to be so brittle, what ever happened to the always together till eternity?

I’m secretly envious of the people who have never been in love ; there is still a chance that they will experience the magic of falling in love for the very first time, the butterflies and the tingling, the nervousness and excitement. Because once you have been in more than one relationship, things start looking mundane and you carry with you the emotional baggage of the previous relationships too.

I miss experiencing the old time ever lasting love, wherein the beauty of waiting and space would be tested unlike today’s word.waiting

All that I want to ask is, whether it is really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?

love

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33 thoughts on “Love, heartbreak and other random side effects

  1. I had given up before I met my Husband…it seemed so unlikely that I’d ever allow another man to infiltrate my heart and my life… I am so glad I was wrong! I had to wait until I was in my late 30’s but better late than never. 🙂

  2. Relationships are a lot of work, and only the best of them are really worth working for. Is it better to have loved and lost? I think so. It’s like anything that is exciting to do – as long as you can live with the fact that they are only a memory one day.
    A very nice, thought-provoking post. Thanks for linking this with SoCS! 🙂

  3. I like the question you posed, because I’ve often wondered if there’s any truth to that statement as well. I’m still not sure…I guess I lean towards thinking it’s better to have loved and lost, because then I know I am at least capable of it. From there, I try to limit my baggage by viewing a new relationship as a unique combination. Kind of like a chemistry experiment — two distinct substances mixed together will usually produce very different reactions compared to other combinations, and I think it’s kind of the same with people. So I try not to assume certain things as I go into it, since I figure that could lead me astray because no two situations are alike. This is a new person, in different circumstances, so former baggage is not necessarily relevant here. I don’t know, it’s hard to describe — and at times it’s hard to follow, but that generally is what I believe and how I operate. Anyway, great thought-provoking post!

  4. Very nice. I agree with SomeKernelsOfTruth. Better to have loved and lost. Always go with the least expectations and believe that your love for another speaks a lot about you as a person who is capable of giving that gift more than the person receiving it.

  5. Been there done that. The only difference is, well you figure out here:
    When my husband met me for the first time, he had broken up freshly with his girl-friend (year old relationship). She had dumped him because her parents were against the relationship (different religion). Husband was having ego issues since he said she always knew there would be a problem and still went ahead with the relationship. He is the emotional kind who believes in life-long relationships. So when she dumped him, he started flirting with a lot of girls at the same time, me included. But somehow, things clicked between us and I didn’t know about his sad story then. He also used to talk to his ex-gf a lot. Old habits die hard and lets put it like this: out of habit and being co-workers, he used to share every miniscule detail of his day with her. My gut told me about something going wrong (we were engaged by then) and I snooped on his phone and found a really long chat with ex-gf and I knew the whole story. I thought he was still into her and had a big fight. He realised his mistake and stopped that. He told me that he was blessed to have me and I believed him, because I knew he was genuinely saying so. Our relationship improved a lot, I say it again, a lot only because we could talk about everything now. He talked of his heartbreak and how he coped up, his flirtings, etc. He came out a renewed person. I know this because I feel it. Because I know I can betray myself, but he would never betray me. We were friends first, love came later and hence, he wouldn’t judge me and I wouldn’t judge him.

    Yes, I used to stalk his emails and chats for a long long time and I found out that the ex-gf was logging in his email account too! (Yahoo shows the location from where you logged in and she had gone to another country after marriage so I could find it out). We changed the email ids. That girl got frustrated and blocked us on facebook, honour accepted. She tried talking him in again by saying emo stuff like “we’ll only be friends, please talk to me”, “my health is not keeping well”, “your wife is controlling you”, “you dont tell your wife, just talk to me” and also went to the extent of feigning cancer! Would you believe??

    I believe that life always gives a second chance. Always. If you are true to yourself, which you should be, your life will always give you a chance. Love yourself and learn from your relationships. Husband learnt a lot about emotional manipulating. Yes, remember the memories, he probably did so without telling it, but today, he tells me, the memories nauseate him because it was wrong from the word go. She was never true and he knows it today. Just trust yourself! And it helps to keep the Cinderella-stories away from reality! 🙂

    • So true, God I can just imagine the anguish that you had gone through. Its great that you have a lot of patience, if it would be me in your place, a definite screaming and shouting match would have ensued.

      • Oh! I fought. But I had no energy for a screaming match. I had literally drained of those kind of things. I don’t know why its like that though. I usually shriek scream and howl like a mad-woman when I fight with my sister, but when it comes to him, I can’t seem a proper way of venting my anger, except tears!! Husband thinks its my love and me thinks – its his love!! 🙂

      • Haha 😀 Same!!!
        I too start crying, mainly because of my inability to hurt him since if you are screaming at anyone else you know that you need not show restraint but with the ones you love, its like walking on egg shells.

        You never know what might strain a relationship.

  6. Inspite of everything I have gone through, I strongly believe that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I don’t know for sure if I ever will find love again, but if it does happen, I would go through this all over again, the good stuff and the bad. No second thoughts on that 🙂

    • Ah! Spoken every bit like a true romantic 🙂
      I sort of have learnt to not give up on love since the most intense and passionate affair that I have had is/ will always be with Shah Rukh Khan! ❤ ( in my dreams but obvious) and I'm not giving up! 😛

      • Hahah…I’m guessing your undying love for SRK must mean you can quote most of his dialogues! Ive heard one too many reference from Dilwale over the years..Nothing like a SRK lovin’ romantic they say 😛

  7. these quotes are good. in the past, it costs a lot to send a letter. every word we wrote in there meant something. meant a lot, in fact. today, we send a text. if you used some messaging system, even better; it’s probably free. love doesn’t wait? no. love has no time for patience.
    sadly, such is life.

    • So true, I can’t imagine how people dish out I love yous without thinking, it just takes me so much time to even admit that I’m in love…without patience love loses its meaning, it needs to grow over time, maturing itself in that process and resulting in the better version of both the people involved in the relationship

  8. Tis better to love and lost? I suppose the experience of being in love is magnificent, but the depths of despair to have lost that love really make me question this logic.

    • Correct! Me too!
      However off late i think its better to have loved and lost, not because of the magic of love nonsense but because when you are in a crisis (read have a lot of spare time and in doldrums) that you can peacefully reflect on life and take decisions, create habits for your own good! 🙂

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