This post is a part of Linda’s Stream of Consciousness
I myself write about the beauty of love and the joy of being in a relationship but like the saying goes, “A coin has two sides to it”, the same goes for love too.
I have seen extremely meticulous and organized people go haywire and mess up their schedule as soon as they get into a relationship. They make everything else a second priority to their relationships, friendship and work definitely take a back seat. It’s like you lose control and start looking at everything through the rose tinted glasses.
But what exactly happens when a relationship ends?
First things first you feel lost, and can’t concentrate. My friends, who are the studious kind, almost plead their partners to not break up right before exams since it does affect one’s concentration to a large extent.
And then the eternal drama that goes about, Incase you were dumped because you don’t look good enough; your self-confidence goes right out of the window. Incase you were cheated on, then your ability to trust goes down the drain (been there done that).
A relationship does bring about a lot of positives but then when it ends, it leaves you barren and devastated. With the extreme advancements in social networking, breaking up is also a lot of effort.
You start out with deleting their number from your phone, then the photos, then the whatsapp conversation and photos, next come the ‘n-number’ of chat applications that forced you to stay in touch with your lover, next would be the facebook posts/pictures/statuses and finally the announcement to everyone you know that you are no longer committed. And the worst part is the sympathy that you receive.
A break up apart from heartache also brings about your hidden stalking prowess and mind you, just not in women but men too. I know people who stalked their exes for years post the break up on whatsapp and check their status and stalk their current love interests too! Always comparing themselves to them or planning revenge strategies for events ten years down the line or still reminisce the old times and get all sobby.
A cousin of mine had got into one of the internet relationships via the many matrimonial websites and just days before the wedding could take place, the would-be groom developed cold feet and backed out. Now, suddenly betrayed by love, she decided to get married to the very next guy she met. The same goes for another cousin of mine who married a total stranger within a mere 5 months of the end of her previous relationship in a fit of rage just to show the guy that she could get married to anyone she wished. Both the above are now divorced and admit that the decisions taken in extreme haste lead to some not nice situations.
Anyways down the line even if you get married, love is bound to fly out some or the other day so is it worth all the pain? Especially in India, wherein love marriages are still looked down upon, where in you not only marry your partner but their entire family and their wishes/fancies. What is the point of going through all the emotional drama just for one person, who won’t remain their constant self throughout and if they turn into someone whom you don’t like as much a few years later, is it worth the risk?
No doubt about the good times but when you weigh the amount of pain and heartache that is bound to follow, all that I ask is, why fall in love in the first place? It is the perfect recipe for self-destruction; you lose your identity as an individual all for the approval of another. It’s like you mould yourself into a distinct person and have to go through the entire process with another person.
Relationships aren’t meant to be so brittle, what ever happened to the always together till eternity?
I’m secretly envious of the people who have never been in love ; there is still a chance that they will experience the magic of falling in love for the very first time, the butterflies and the tingling, the nervousness and excitement. Because once you have been in more than one relationship, things start looking mundane and you carry with you the emotional baggage of the previous relationships too.
All that I want to ask is, whether it is really better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?