My loss is one that has hurt me deep within. Right from when I wake up and set off for my classes to the time that I come back from work, this loss haunts me.
Every single day, at every single place.
I have lost my identity, independence, confidence, trust and sense of safety/security by just being a woman.
From the time I turned 14, life has become miserable.
I’m harassed at least ten times in a day. From whistling, singing and winking to following me on their bikes/car, men of all age try everything to get attention, and if sadly that doesn’t work then they merrily take their vehicle right in my way and try to hit me with it or extend their hand out to freak me out.
Unfortunately this isn’t just happening to me, it happens to every woman living here.
An incident is reported every single day in the newspapers regarding this ill treatment towards women. From eve teasing to the goriest rapes to murders, women are being subjected to extreme forms of sadistic control.
I have lost my sense of security, now I have cultivated in me only fear and an inability to trust.
Travelling in public transport scares me since men “accidentally” fall on, pinch and touch women; they sit on the seats assigned to women, make an issue when you ask them to get up but take their revenge by standing next to you and making you uncomfortable by peeping into your clothes. Travelling in autorikshaws or cabs also has its own risk, since they scare you by driving you off to unknown places and leer at you from the rear view mirror.
Mobile Phones which were a boon have now become a bane as they take photos and recordings of you and then feign innocence when you catch them. Walking on streets is the Indian equivalent to fear factor; men sing songs, hoot and jeer, some of them try to touch you and if they like you but fail, they come back for a round two at you.
There is no place left where a rape hasn’t yet been reported. This extreme mental urge to control women is scary and disgusting.
Women here do not have a choice to love, and if they reject your advances, these “spurned lovers’ do not think twice before throwing acid at your face. The crime – considering them not good enough for you.
I try hard to lose my identity, to think twice before shopping by picking up the blandest clothes, because if I do dress up and get raped, I was calling for it. I think twice before going out alone anywhere, it’s immaterial as to which time of the day it is, I long to be independent, to get away from this crippling society. A society where the leaders defend the rapists by calling them “Boys who make mistakes”. Where the accused are provided help and the victims are chided upon.
It’s like they don’t want women to exist, they to go to great lengths to wipe them out.
The only choices that we are given are foeticide, infanticide, child abuse or rapes. Sometimes they aren’t satisfied by treating us like crap and using our bodies to satisfy all the callous and vicious pleasures, they throw away the bodies, dump them on road sides, thrash, torture, discard, leave them to die and at times douse with acid and kerosene to leave no evidence.
I have lost my confidence, at most times I clutch at either a stone in my hand or at the knife that I have in my bag just in case I needed or keep my phone unlocked with the numerous women safety apps that I have downloaded. I take all the precautions and wait for my rape day.
Such a crime being a woman isn’t it?