We have been together for a year and a half, I am madly in love with him.
Correction – Madly in love with my notion of how he should be.
We love each other a lot, but today I realise how mistaken I am.
How my heart has fooled my brain. How my feelings have deluded my thoughts.
Today that I look at him, I can finally see all his flaws.
His insensitiveness, the way he makes me feel inferior, his demeaning tone, everything and all of it, now that the veil has been lifted off my eyes I realize I do not like him anymore.
Do not get me wrong, I still love him, just the same despite my new found awareness.
But in these past few hours, we have both changed.
Not for the better. Not for the worse. But for the different.
And somehow, through all the changes, I don’t like him anymore.
I am in a relationship with a man I do not like, anymore.
I am forcing myself to adjust and belong to a person I don’t agree with, anymore. I deserve better. And so does he.
Every second that I spend with him now on would eat me up alive. I can’t get myself to look into his eyes and tell him that I love him.
He is going to leave in a couple of days, I’m secretly thankful. Thankful that this distance will make me stronger, less dependent and will help me.
Help me from having someone trample all over my self esteem.
As i think about him, I now understand why they say love is blind.